• How I Quit Smoking

    Happy 2021 everybody! I’m Sy, founder of LUCK-IT and as part of tradition, I’m going to get the interview ball rolling by doing a self-interview to show all potential interviewees how safe and not scary it is to be doing so. Since Singapore (where I’m at) announced this year a change in the legal age for smoking (now 21 instead of 20), I’m going to dig up my past this time and share my own experiences with smoking.   

    “You don’t get fat when you quit smoking.”

    Q: How did you end up as a smoker?

    A: When clubbing with a schoolmate, she asked me if I would like to try smoking. She had a pack. I said yes without hesitation and we shared a cigarette. Sometime later, I bought myself a pack of cigarettes just to hold and smell and imagine what it would be like to be a proper smoker. I eventually smoked one when having a bad day. And another on another bad day. Then I began smoking only when clubbing. Then it became a regular daily thing. All before I reached the age of 21. 

    Why do you think you said yes to smoking?

    Back then, smoking was something cool, rebellious and emo people did. You saw it a lot in films and pop photography, always glamorously presented. It was also often said to be a good way to lose weight, de-stress and make friends. Because of that, I wanted to be a smoker from the time I was a teenager. Coming from a broken home also contributed in a way. I simply connected better with the types of young adults who would smoke and wanted to belong with them.

    What was your routine like as a smoker? 

    A smoke after meals. A smoke before returning home. Smokes during stressful periods. Many smokes when out for drinks with smoker friends. Smokes when clubbing (back when that was still legal and a thing).

    Why did you eventually decide to quit smoking? 

    The appeal of being a smoker faded as I got older. Eventually I came to view smoking to be not so much a way of looking “cool” but more like an indicator of having poor self-control. I tried to quit smoking 3 times in my life, mostly out of a desire to be healthier and save myself from that dreaded lung cancer everyone was always warning smokers about. The first time, it lasted for a week until I had drinks with a smoker friend and decided to just bum one when I saw how much she was enjoying hers. The second time happened abruptly after I contracted pneumonia and finally understood how wonderful and important having a healthy functioning lung was. That lasted a couple of months but ended when I found myself needing an escape from work stress. The third attempt was successful. It’s now been about 8 years since I last smoked.  

    How did you quit smoking?

    First, I grew older and changed my mind about what I wanted in life. Second, my scary experience with pneumonia made me care a lot more about my precious, very important lungs. Third, I quit my stress-causing job and set myself up in the direction towards a more ideal type of future. On the night of my last day of work at that job, I felt a great weight lifted from my person and was hyper excited about what was coming next. I didn’t smoke before returning home that night because I was no longer feeling distressed and didn’t want to screw up the good things I now had going with something as crappy as lung cancer. I never smoked again after that. 

    Which 3 objects or people were most useful when you were trying to quit smoking? 

    1) Having a plan for the future that I was excited to work towards. After leaving my job, I was euphoric and preoccupied for weeks and I think that kept me from feeling any urge to smoke in the immediate aftermath of quitting smoking. 2) A straw cut to the length of a cigarette. At some point, I did miss the act of smoking, especially when at work. Those straws allowed me to partake in the action of smoking without actually having to smoke at all. 3) The change in government policy. When I was younger, you could smoke practically anywhere which made it easy to take smokes. In later years, the government began confining smokers to increasingly smaller and more awkward locations so finding a place you could legally smoke at became a huge PITA.  

    What setbacks did you have when trying to quit smoking? How did you move past those?

    I didn’t have any setbacks after my third attempt because my mindset was that I no longer wanted smoking to be part of my identity. Although I had been seduced by friends and stress the first 2 times, once I got my mindset fixed, I no longer felt the urge to resume smoking even when surrounded by smoker friends or stress.  

    What’s life like now that you’re no longer smoking? Do you think it’s better or worse?

    Better. I feel much healthier, look much healthier and smell better. It’s also nice to not to have to make the effort to go somewhere designated to smoke a couple of times each day, not to have to carry a photo of a dead premature baby, gangrenous hand or bleeding smoker’s lung* in my bag at all times, and not to have to worry about “smoker’s wrinkles”. (*Those were images pasted on every cigarette box in Singapore during my last years of smoking.)

    Is there any part of being a smoker that you miss? 

    The camaraderie of smokers. I made a lot of friends both at school and at the workplace in my time as a smoker and I do feel nostalgic about having somebody or a group of people come up to me out of the blue and, with a tilt of the head, saying, “Let’s go.”

    Can you list 3 things you realised only after quitting smoking? 

    1) Smoke smells really bad. You don’t realise it as a smoker but once your body has detoxed for a while, being near a smoking person is unbearably unpleasant. 2) Smoke lingers on your body and non-smokers can smell it from a mile away, all day long. Again not pleasant for non-smokers. 3) You don’t get fat when you quit smoking. That was my biggest worry as an appearance-conscious 20-something but it never happened. 

    Lastly, what advice do you have for those thinking of quitting smoking too? 

    From my own experience, deciding I no longer wanted to be a smoker was the single most important thing that enabled me to quit. From watching my other smoker friends who have also since quit smoking, gradually cutting down the number of sticks a day and replacing the smoking habit with daily routine exercise also helps with stress and the urge to smoke. I don’t recommend vaping or e-cigarettes as I’ve heard they cause more respiratory problems than regular cigarettes. I don’t know anyone who’s tried nicotine patches so I can’t comment on that. Most importantly, I’m not a doctor so do seek some medical advice if you run into health problems while trying to quit smoking on your own. Help for smokers is everywhere these days. If you’re in Singapore, you can find it at places like this.

    Sy is presently looking for people to interview and working on developing more games for LUCK-IT’s PLAY-IT segment this year. You can see more of what she’s doing here or chat with her using the comment box below. If you would like to be interviewed for LUCK-IT (and she hopes you would), contact us here.

    More interviews with those who’ve quit habits of all sorts here.

    Other interviews with Sy:
    What It’s Like Being Older Than 30
    Why I Started LUCK-IT

    Photograph copyright of Antonio Kless. Interviewer: Sy
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  • Why I Identify As A Minimalist

    Before becoming a minimalist, Joan enjoyed buying things on the fly just because they were quirky or seemed useful or were cheap. In her early 20s however, she jumped headlong into the minimalist lifestyle and changed her living habits entirely. Now that it’s been almost a decade since she adopted minimalism, we asked her what that’s been like. 

    “Stop buying shit to impress people who don’t give a shit about you.”

    Q: Hi Joan! Thanks for talking to us! Before we go further, can you explain what it means to be a minimalist?

    A: Hello! To keep things concise, to be a minimalist equates to being someone who lives life with intent.

    How did you end up as a minimalist? 

    I have always been enamoured by the chicness of Japanese meets monochromatic décor, as well as elements of the spartan lifestyle of vagabond meets cyber-punk/grunge from The Matrix and similar sci-fi movies.

    However, after graduating from university at age 20, I had my first existential crisis on what do I want to do with my life. That lead me down the rabbit hole of a minimalistic lifestyle.

    What Joan has in her purse.
    All that Joan keeps in her purse these days.

    Can you describe what your living space was like before you adopted minimalism and how it looked after you did? 

    As most Singaporeans do, I lived with my parents for most of my life. It was incredibly cluttered with no personal line drawn. However, post decluttering, my desk is pretty much empty. 

    How did your routines change as a result of you adopting minimalism?

    Wow. Honestly, the change was a huge relief to my mental health after making the switch. But it did take a few years to figure out what works and what does not.

    Before, it was haphazard as I did not follow a routine and was constantly worrying that I’d be late for school or work. Additionally, not everything I did was beneficial to me. From worrying about what to wear (which ends up being the same few outfits) and what to do next. It led up to quite a bit of mental fatigue.

    Thus, my younger self thought it was a huge waste of time and energy to not have a simpler routine.

    Nowadays, it is a bit more structured but it’s on auto-pilot. I wake up to feed my two furry bottomless pits at 8am. After which, I would exercise and get my coffee. I start work at 1PM but I like to have a lot of time to myself in the morning, time block my priorities for the day and spend time with my partner and cats before that.

    My job is fast paced, but thanks to time blocking in advance, I don’t have to use mental energy to think about what to complete in a limited time span.

    So what did you have to actually do to become a minimalist? What did you have to throw and how long did the whole process take? 

    To become a minimalist, I think you need a lot of dedication and commitment to a lifestyle that really limits your ability to accumulate baggage, physical or otherwise. It really throws you into a monthly reflection cycle. If you do not find introspection and being intentional with your choices a source of joy, minimalism is really not a lifestyle to hop into.

    The first time I decluttered was in my early 20s. But I recall bringing over 7 huge garbage bags of rotted textbooks, ill-fitting clothes that were crumbling into shreds to the garbage collection bins. Additionally, I discarded or donated almost all of my shoes (over 50 pairs) that were purchased because they were pretty, but barely used. Soon, they too disintegrated or were not worth selling off.

    The whole process is ongoing, but I believe the first 3 years is integral to learn to pace yourself on what and how to declutter to prevent any more regrets or impulsive discarding.

    Which was the hardest thing to do for the above and which was the easiest? 

    Hardest was definitely selling my CDs away. They are so sentimental (and expensive) to me but I don’t even have a CD player now. Even though I ripped them, I don’t play them as well. I only listen to a few albums (funnily enough, it’s also those I kept) on Spotify. My only worry now is if Spotify is taken away from my life, I might just die.

    The easiest was definitely decluttering stuff that needed to be discarded like crumbling clothes, books etc.

    Joan’s desk back in 2019.
    Joan’s desk back in 2019.

    How did the people closest to you react to your decision to become a minimalist? And how did you react to their reactions? 

    It was a mix of skepticism and encouragement, really. My friends and brother were onboard. However, I learnt that my mom was very much a sentimental person who did not like to part with things. Throwing away things around the house that clearly needed to be discarded caused quite a lot of friction between myself and my mother.

    So what’s life like for you now that you’re a minimalist? Do you think it’s better, or worse? 

    Easier. There’s no turning back for me. It’s probably one part of me that I do not regret honing from a young age.

    Is there any part of your non-minimalistic life of before that you miss? 

    Indulging in a more colourful wardrobe. I do have a few pieces that are not black, but I still rarely wear them. They are my designated “ran out of clothes” days or for occasions that call for some colour in the ensemble.

    How many items do you own now and which 5 are most important?

    I don’t count how many items I own as things are transient as we use them up, repurchase, get gifted etc.

    My 5 most important (physical) items: Hair straightener. Work essentials (Phone + laptop). Make up (not 1 but I use the same palette daily, just switching up the intensity when needed). Supplements (saving grace for energy, cramped muscles and brain fog). Good Coffee. 

    Which 3 places are most useful for you as a minimalist?

    A quiet space to introvert. A chill out bar to chill with friends. A well-equipped kitchen to reconnect with your food and body.

    Can you list 3 things you realised only after leaving consumerism behind?

    The things I own can define me only to a certain extent. The more accessible something is, the easier it is to lean towards purchasing those items. Happiness comes from you assigning that emotion to that purchase or experience.

    Joan’s desk in 2020.
    Joan’s desk in 2020.

    What advice do you have for those currently thinking of becoming minimalists too?

    Don’t be overzealous. It’s not a cult, it is a lifestyle. It’s ok to take a break from this lifestyle.

    What advice do you have for humans in general?

    Stop buying shit to impress people who don’t give a shit about you. Instead, try to show them that you care about why they do certain things. Some will let you in, some won’t. Cest la vie.

    Lastly, if you don’t spend your money on stuff, what do you do with it? 

    Investing in dividend stocks/bonds (because I have no energy nor interest in higher risk financial instruments). Invest in relationships I treasure. Invest in my bucket list.

    Joan in Aug 2020.
    Joan in Aug 2020.

    Joan is presently working on her career and bucket list, improving relationships with friends and family deliberately and growing the awareness of minimalism and how it can help the mental health of those with fast-paced lifestyles. You can get more minimalism tips from her at her blog, minimalisminsingapore.wordpress.com, and Facebook page, or discuss your own minimalism journey using the comment box below. 

    Other interviews with Joan:
    Why We Choose To Be Child-Free

    More interviews with people who’ve left habits behind here.

    Photographs courtesy and copyright of Joan. Interviewer: Sy
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  • Why I Left Atheism

    Sean Munger first became an atheist after doubting Christianity at age 13, but later found himself with the same doubts about Atheism at age 36. At age 42, just 5 years ago, he converted to Judaism. We asked him why he made all of those decisions. 

    “When you sense the eye of God looking at you, it’s kind of hard to take atheism seriously after that.”

    Q: Hi Sean, thank you so much for agreeing to share your experience with us. To start, could you share how you ended up as an atheist? 

    A: I kind of drifted into it. My family was nominally Christian but in practice not very religious; I remember going to church last when I was about 6. In my early teens I began questioning why people believed stories in the Bible as true. The story of Noah particularly bothered me. The hypocrisy and pettiness of religious right types—this was the 1980s—really grated on me, and I began to conflate, as many atheists do, fundamentalism and religiosity in general. From a rational standpoint the universe made much more sense without God than with Him. By college I was fairly entrenched, and even somewhat militant. God definitely did not exist!

    What was life like for you as an atheist? What was compulsory, what was forbidden and what was most important? 

    At first, there really wasn’t a “code.” The rise of the Internet in the 1990s and early 2000s started to change this, and atheism became sort of a cult. Fans and followers of public atheists like Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens increasingly began to define atheism as a belief system, but it was based not on a set of positive beliefs, but upon antagonism to others’ beliefs. What was most important was not giving any quarter, not even considering the possibility of the existence of God. It was a badge of purity and of moral achievement to be absolutely certain in your own non-belief, which usually manifested itself in maximum hostility to the views of others regarding religion. So, what was most important was “virtue signaling” how deep and perfect your own atheism was, which usually meant going on the attack against religious people or ideas. For an example of this, try mentioning the words “Mother Teresa” to a group of atheists online, and watch how quickly they rush in to demonize her.

    When then did you first start having doubts about atheism? What triggered your doubts? 

    My very first job, in high school, was as a counselor at a summer day camp run by a Jewish community center. They did not require you to be a Jew or have any kind of belief to work there. Though I wasn’t part of their faith, I loved their songs, their culture, the sense of shared community and the joy they took at being part of that community. The theology was incidental. I always considered myself a spiritual person, but while I was an atheist I was careful to define my belief in non-sentient terms. “I believe in nature” or “I believe in a cosmic balance of the universe” were things I would say. When I was in my late 30s I began to consider, if I truly believed in “nature” and “balance,” whether it was so far a jump from believing that to consider whether “nature” and “balance” could themselves be sentient and could have a consciousness. If they did, that could only be described as God, or at least some sort of God. So I realized I could no longer be certain that God did not exist.

    I also realized that atheism lacked the means to explain at least half of the human experience. Rationality and “show me proof” works very well for things in the tangible and measurable world. The world of the mind and heart, the world of artistic expression, creativity, and meaning, works along a totally different set of rules, where measurement and “proof” are useless. How can I “prove” that I love my family, or that a Michelangelo painting is beautiful? You can’t do it. Instead of trying to explain this aspect of being human, atheists generally ignored it. And most atheists I encountered weren’t really more contemplative about their beliefs than the fundamentalists they railed against. If it came out of the mouths of Dawkins, Harris or Hitchens, it was good and true. If not, they didn’t have much regard for it.

    When people, especially atheists, hear that I’m an ex-atheist, most of them assume that I found “proof” that God exists. That’s not what happened at all. It was a much less linear or empirical process.

    Sean when still an atheist. “Here I was in 2003, visiting Hamburg, Germany, ironically at a church (Nikolaikirche, the Gothic cathedral bombed out during World War II).”
    Sean when still an atheist. “Here I was in 2003, visiting Hamburg, Germany, ironically at a church (Nikolaikirche, the Gothic cathedral bombed out during World War II).”

    How long did it take you to go from doubting atheism to deciding you had new beliefs? What pushed you past the point of no return? 

    I guess I started to have doubts in the early 2000s, but the “point of no return” was one moment on a very hot Saturday morning in July 2009. I was considering a lot of life changes (like going back to school to get my Ph.D. in history), had entered a new relationship (with my now husband), but life was still very fraught for me at the time. Apropos of nothing, as I was getting out of bed, I had a very strong sense that a powerful presence had its eye fixed on me. For an instant, and no more than that, the eye of God was watching me. What I sensed was God looking at me and thinking, “Okay, so how’s he doing?” and then concluding, “Oh, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t need my help. Move on.” And then His eye wandered off to look at someone else. It has never happened since and I don’t ever expect it to, but when you sense the eye of God looking at you, it’s kind of hard to take atheism seriously after that. Still, even after that it took a while to really commit to Judaism.

    How does one leave atheism? Did you have to do anything special? 

    I don’t even know how you leave—write a letter of resignation to Richard Dawkins? One leaves atheism, at first, by conceding the possibility that God might exist. At that point you might be an agnostic, but you’re not an atheist anymore. Then you begin to explore the dimensions of God in your own mind. It’s about asking questions, not necessarily finding answers. This is what atheism, as a belief system, has so much in common with the fundamentalist religion it railed against: it professes certainty and discourages deviation from that certainty.

    How did the people closest to you react to your decision to leave atheism behind? And how did you react to their reactions? 

    Most of the people close to me were casually, not devoutly, religious, so they were fine with it. My father, who is devoutly religious (Methodist) and became so late in life, was quite happy. I did have friends who were atheists who simply couldn’t understand it but generally they just shrugged. The people who were most hostile were, predictably, strangers on the Internet who were very offended by the choice that I, a person they did not know, had made. I posted a blog article about leaving atheism which got a fair amount of traffic. It was linked on atheist message boards and Twitter threads where people reacted angrily and concluded that I “never understood” atheism, or that I was never “really” an atheist. That, incidentally, is a logical fallacy called “No True Scotsman,” a profound irony considering that most atheists see themselves as governed by logic and reason. Some tried to debate me and angrily demanded I give them proof that God exists. Clearly they missed the point of what I was trying to say.

    “I was at the Wacken Open Air heavy metal festival in Germany in 2011, about the time I was deciding to become Jewish.”
    “I was at the Wacken Open Air heavy metal festival in Germany in 2011, about the time I was deciding to become Jewish.”

    What’s life like for you now that you identify as a Jew? Do you think it’s better, or worse? 

    Much better. I’m now part of that community I admired when I worked my first job. I like to say that I was born a Jew, I just didn’t know it for the first 40 years of my life. Judaism works for me because it’s about questioning God, not finding certain answers, and because the Judaic tradition judges you as a person by what you do, not by what you believe. What other religion makes it a sacrament to eat freshly baked bread and drink wine to celebrate the coming of the weekend? We’ve been “thanking God it’s Friday” for 4,000 years. The holidays are beautiful. The sense of community is meaningful. It’s made my life much richer.

    Is there any part of your life as an atheist that you miss? 

    No, I really don’t. Atheism gave me nothing of any particular value. I respect it as a belief and an intellectual tradition, but it did nothing for me, personally.

    Which 3 people or things in your life are most important to you right now? 

    My husband; fighting climate change; and understanding the past.

    Which item, bought or received after you became a believer of Judaism, has been most useful to you?

    If you’re talking about physical items, I can’t really answer that. It’s not about material items, really.

    Can you list 3 things you realised only after no longer being an atheist?

    First, being a person of faith is not a betrayal or an abrogation of reason. It doesn’t make you “less rational.” The mistaken view I had of religion when I was an atheist was that it was basically a zero-sum game, that any belief of a religious nature was tantamount to being a fundamentalist. Atheists make a lot of good critiques of fundamentalism, but they don’t really have much to say to people for whom faith is a reasonable part of a well-lived life.

    Second, most people, the vast majority, do not follow religions because they’re afraid of judgment in some sort of afterlife. Atheists often assume that religion is a form of extortion: “Follow this set of beliefs, or you’ll go to Hell!” That’s a ridiculous idea. Maybe that was true in the Middle Ages, but I don’t know anyone who seriously thinks that way now. As a Jew I don’t even believe in Hell; I have no idea what happens after death and frankly I doubt I’ll have time to worry about that until I do actually die.

    Third, most people of any faith fully recognize that religion is a construct of human beings, not of God. It was people, not God, who wrote down the Torah and created the mitzvot and established the cultural and theological features of Judaism. Going back to the story of Noah, which bothered me so much as a kid, now do I literally believe it happened? Of course not. It’s just a story, like many stories in the sacred books of most religions. No one has ever asked me to take it literally.

    A more recent photo of Sean. “My Tanakh sitting on the bookshelf, visible over my right ear.”
    A more recent photo of Sean. “My Tanakh sitting on the bookshelf, visible over my right ear.”

    What advice do you have for those currently contemplating leaving atheism?

    Don’t announce on Twitter that you are no longer an atheist—you’ll receive a ferocious tidal wave of abuse! Seriously, though, I would say that deciding whether you believe in God, or leaving the question open as a serious possibility, is not a moral failing. It won’t make you stupider or more irrational. You’re not suddenly going to wake up and want to join the Westboro Baptist Church.

    Is there anybody you presently look up to, who you would like to learn from?

    There’s a reason the wisdom of the Talmud scholars has survived for 1400 years. As I explore Judaism, I would like to learn more of that wisdom.

    Lastly, what is your perspective on life and the afterlife now? 

    As I said, what happens in the afterlife doesn’t motivate me very much. I certainly do believe there are other universes and planes of existence besides our own, but whether I’ll ever see them I have no idea. In this life I think you have an obligation to try to leave the world at least a little better than you found it. This is one reason why I work on climate change—we have to reverse the effects of climate change, urgently, and I feel like I have to contribute to that project.

    Sean hopes to continue to speak about, consult on and teach climate change and historical topics as much as he can in the future, and also put out another book soon. You can read more about him on his website, seanmunger.com or chat with him using the comment box below (“With the caveat that I do not wish to debate atheists (or anybody) on the existence of God. It’s been my experience that atheists think anyone who expresses a religious faith is eager to have this debate. In reality, no one other than atheists have any interest in having this debate. So please don’t send me demands for ‘proof’ that God exists. That’s not what this interview is about or why I did it.”).

    More interviews with people who have left habits, lifestyles and religions available here.

    Photographs courtesy and copyright of Sean Munger. Interviewer: Sy
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  • This is Kinge.

    How It Feels To Quit Social Media, and Why I Went Back

    Kinge from Kenya first began using social media when he was 18, and by age 25, found himself spending more than 2 hours a day on it, while being greatly affected by social pressure. A year later, he decided to quit social media for good, and did just that for the next 4 years, until he decided to go back to using social media less than a year ago. We asked him why. 

    “Social pressure is real. Observing it from outside makes it even clearer. You see people around you being controlled by other people, strangers and friends on the platform, trying hard to belong, fit in.”

    Q: Hi Kevin, thank you so much for agreeing to share your experience with us. To start, could you share when you first started using social media? Which platforms were you on? 

    A: I first joined social media in 2008. Then, mobile devices’ penetration in this part of the world was limited. The network coverage was poor too, using 2G network on tiny screens mostly Motorola and Nokia phones. Internet in homes could only be found in the capital city and the other option was accessing a cybercafé, unlike today.

    The most popular platforms then were Myspace and Facebook. Their popularity was growing. I joined both, they were both website platforms then.

    What was life like for you when you used social media regularly? What routines did you have? 

    In the early years, social media was for a different use, it was a place friends could check on each other, communicate on a regular basis and share happy photos of good times spent. There were no individual profiles because they were wall based. They then changed the model to having a public and personal wall, then more platforms became popular such as Twitter, and later Instagram. 

    I loved using it in the beginning, it was plain, innocent and simple. Posting on the public wall, everything to your friends. Later, it evolved to platforms for displaying one’s lifestyles, status and a little about the general social life with friends and family. When it got to this, years just before I quit, there was always a need to keep checking and see other people posts, see what they are up to and an unnecessary drive to want to post, of places you’ve been, things you did.

    I found myself wasting several hours per day, maybe 3 hours on social media, and instead of the joy that was, the feeling changed to want which brought pressure.

    When then did you first start having doubts about having social media in your life? What triggered those doubts? 

    Around 2015 with the rise of social influencers. 

    This pushed the lifestyle and ‘notice me attitude’ a notch higher. There was real pressure among people to compare and show off. Basically the influencers’ work was to drive traffic to expensive products and destinations and get paid for that. Initially many people did not know it was a business and the desire to have such a lifestyle was fuelled with a few friends in your network managing to afford some of those lifestyles, creating pressure to most. I then saw friends go into debt-chasing lifestyles, others making bad critical life decisions trying to fit in and I will admit some pressure on my part to all this. 

    Social media felt like it was controlling the people, us, unlike in the beginning when we were using it for good, a place one would go to check on the digital album of genuine happy moments and say hello to friends in all regions of the world conveniently and affordably. 

    When then did you decide to quit social media? What pushed you to the point of no return? 

    I decided to quit social media when the intense drive for comparison grew to an unhealthy level, where someone would call to ask what you are up to, where you were during the weekend because you did not post these details on social media—the aim not to check on you but to compare. I quit because of the amount of pressure the platforms had. The amount of time wasted and loss of meaning pushed me to the limit.

    This is Kinge.
    This is Kinge.

    How does one leave social media? What did you have to do to get off it? 

    I don’t know if my method would work on others because I tend to have self-control. Basically, delete the apps now and do not install them back. Over time, you’ll forget about them and it becomes your norm. Find new activities to do with the extra time and grow the new habits; it can be reading a few chapters of a book a day, exercise, journaling or something other which will grow you gradually and bring you so much peace.  

    How did it feel in the days right after you quit social media? Did you feel any regrets or an urge to get back into it? 

    It was strange in the beginning, with a strong urge to check on what people are up to, then over time, it grows on you but you somehow find yourself distancing yourself to most of your friends. I then realised how much communication goes on social media but no, there was no regret. You can always catch up on texts and calls plus WhatsApp to me is more than a messaging app, having it is almost like a harmless social media until they introduced stories but I was still on it, just ignored the stories and I know many others who do.

    How did your life change in the 3 years you spent without social media? Was it better or worse for you—emotionally, mentally, physically and in terms of productivity? 

    My life changed for the better. I increased my productivity at work, with the extra saved time. The new habits developed grew in time and I kept adopting more and more such as reading and with more reading of self-help books, they pushed me to a new world of productivity, emotional, mental and physical growth.

     I made it a habit of working out a minimum of 4 hours a day, I began reading more books per year, applying what the books told me, growing in mind and productivity through better decisions, strategies and virtues. Socially, I valued the true friends in my life and family, my interactions became more present and aware which is really beautiful and fulfilling. 

    The act of quitting social media did not solely lead to all this, but it contributed greatly to this outcome. 

    Which 3 people or things in your life became most useful in the absence of social media? 

    1–Personal growth: I put more focus on myself without external pressure but on my own terms. 

    2–Relationships: The relationships that mattered most grew deeper. 

    3–Inner peace: Just like the peace you get not watching television news or newspapers but filtering the news that you consume, for example reading specific newspapers such as the financial newspapers because most news if not all is literally fear-based, such peace comes when you know how to use social media for you.

    Can you list 3 things you realised only after leaving social media?

    1–Social pressure is real. Observing it from outside makes it even clearer. You see people around you being controlled by other people, strangers and friends on the platform, trying hard to belong, fit in, which if not careful might make one get lost.

    2–I did not know myself the way I needed to find my purpose. This I came to realise later when I adopted the habit of reading, researching by asking the right questions and applying most of the lessons gradually. I came to realise that humans are spiritual beings having a human emotion, and our purpose is service to others. That we are one with nature although we try to live separate from our ignorance, that I am not my body by living in it, that there exist an ether which all things are connected to. I learnt of the mental laws which we are to use for a more harmonious life and the significance of service. 

    3–Social media is good only if you use it and not let it use you.  For example, the platforms exist to make a profit from people, through driving agendas and ideas, most of them consumer oriented. This is where the influencers profit from so they are using the platform for their benefit and monetary growth but the millions of their followers who are un-aware of this dynamics fall prey of the platform system.

    Why then did you end up going back to using social media?

    4 months ago, I begun blogging. Reason for blogging is to share the many timeless lessons on mind, body, spirit and personal development that I have learnt in the last few years and am still learning with the world, with the hope of changing someone’s life for the better, maybe many eventually. So, in my research of how to run a successful blog, there is an insistence of the proper use of social media to help push traffic to my blog and it being one of the most efficient methods. This is why I went back to social media, to use it to drive traffic to my blog. This time, I am the one using it and I understand how it works. 

    How does it feel to have social media back in your life? What are the pros and cons of having them back?

    I was resistant to it initially until I was able to convince myself that I am using it for me, for a purpose I am now comfortable with but I am very surprised with how monetized it is, the extreme level of algorithm uses on the platform and the same craze of having followers.

    Pros: 1–Boost of online presence for my blog. 2–Driving traffic to my blog, although only promotions works for this. 3–I can control myself while on it. I only visit for purposes of the blog, re-posts of the same, separating myself from it in a way spending less than 30 minutes on all the platforms that I use which is enough for the day’s update. 

    Cons: You have to pay to grow your traffic 

    What advice do you have for those currently contemplating leaving social media too?

    It is okay to leave if you feel overwhelmed by it. Take a break, maybe take some time to understand how it works and in that time better understand oneself. 

    Is there anybody you presently look up to, who you would like to learn from?

    Vusi Thembekwayo. I have seen his gradual growth over the years and what it has taught me is to just begin and belief. Vusi is a Global speaker, author, consultant and a dreamer. Lately I have been working to shape my career in the same direction and this is why I would like to learn from him.

    Lastly, do you think you’d be quitting social media again in the future? 

    Yes, I will. When the blog grows to a successful business, I will have someone look after the social media platforms within the business context and I will focus on other duties such as product/service advancement and strategies.

    Kinge has just written a book about good values for the young and is presently looking for a traditional publisher to get it out into the world. He is also in the midst of doing a Masters in Management and hopes to be able to launch a consultancy once he graduates. You can find out more about his progress by reading his blog, www.kevinkinge.com or ask him questions about quitting social media using the comment box below. 

    More interviews with people who have left habits, lifestyles and religions available here.

    Photographs courtesy and copyright of Kevin Kinge. Interviewer: Sy
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  • Why I Left Islam, and How

    Norsham Mohd was born into a Muslim family but began doubting Islam at age 18 and within a year stopped practicing Islamic rituals entirely. She is now 56 years old, still an ex-Muslim, and reached out to us to share her story. 

    “I asked her a lot of questions hoping to get some answers but I never got any. Instead all I got was negative remarks about the kafir and the non-believers.”

    Q: Hi Norsham, thank you so much for agreeing to talk about your experience with us. To start, can you share how you ended up as a Muslim?

    A: Both my parents are Muslim. So I’m a Muslim by birth.

    What was life like for you as a Muslim? What was compulsory, what was forbidden and what was most important?

    Growing up there was nothing much to say. We were taught how to pray and fast. We were also send to the local madrasah at a nearby mosque for our religious classes and reciting of the Quran. My mother too often would teach us recitation at home.

    When then did you first start having doubts about Islam? What triggered your doubts?

    When I was about 18 years old while in nursing school. I saw people in pain, abandonment and neglect. I was disturbed by what I saw. I turned to my religious teacher—I used to attend religious classes at the neighbourhood, twice a week and always in the evening—I asked her a lot of questions hoping to get some answers but I never got any. Instead all I got was negative remarks about the kafir and the non-believers.

    How long did it take you to go from doubting Islam to deciding you were no longer a believer? What pushed you to the point of no return?

    Didn’t take very long but I cannot tell you the time frame. By the time I graduated from nursing school, say 2 years, I stopped practising. I was not happy with what I saw and hear especially during the religious sermons.

    Mesjid Kassim along Changi Road where Norsham used to attend religious classes.
    Mesjid Kassim along Changi Road where Norsham used to attend religious classes.

    How does one leave Islam? Did you have to do anything special to become a non-Muslim?

    Well in Singapore, you can renounce legally, that is you need to do a Statutory Declaration, then submit the SD to MUIS [Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura (Islamic Religious Council of Singapore)]. And MUIS will give you a cert/documents to certify that you are no longer a Muslim and have your name taken out from the Muslim registry.

    How did the people closest to you react to your decision to leave the religion? And how did you react to their reactions?

    They’re not happy obviously. They stop inviting me to their outings or to their houses. They don’t talk as much to me as before. How I react? I understand their reaction and honestly I don’t blame them. I am seen as a traitor… a person who betrayed their faith. There is nothing much I can do about it because I do not depend on them and my life does not revolve around them. 

    What’s life like for you now that you’re an ex-Muslim? Do you think it’s better, or worse?

    My life is good now that I’ve moved away from the faith. Nobody will force me to do something I don’t like. And yes it’s for better.

    Which 3 people or things in your life are most important to you right now?

    My family, including my siblings, My cats and my business. 

    Which item, bought or received after you stopped believing in Islam, has been most useful to you?

    Nothing. Can’t think of any now or perhaps my baju kurongs. I still treasure them. 

    Can you list 3 things you realised only after leaving Islam?

    1–You can be good without religion.
    2–You can still have your peace of mind without religion. 
    3–Stories told to me were so ridiculous, I am wondering how come I believed in them when they were related to me initially.

    Is there anybody you presently look up to, who you would like to learn from?

    My husband.

    Lastly, what is your perspective on life and the afterlife now?

    My perspective on life: I do not want to spend my time asking “What is the purpose of my life”. Instead I would say: this is how my life has become, this is what I have, what can I do now to make my life more meaningful and productive?

    About the afterlife: I do not believe there is an afterlife.

    Norsham hopes to be able to help other ex-Muslims in the future, “especially those still in the closet”. You can try to find her on Facebook through her profile page “Norsham Mohd”, or ask her questions about leaving Islam using the comment box below.  

    More interviews with people who have left habits, lifestyles and religions available here.

    Photographs courtesy and copyright of Norsham Mohd, William Cho. Interviewer: Sy
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