What It’s Like Going Through An Ectopic Pregnancy

Pamela Ellis was having a regular day, feeling great, when all of a sudden she began feeling extremely sick. Everything went downhill from there and she soon found herself needing emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. She told us what that and the 6 months that followed was like. 

Q: Hi Pam, welcome to LUCK-IT! To start, could you tell us a little about yourself? 

A: Sure! I’m a 39-year-old stay-at-home mom to 3 beautiful children and wife to an amazing husband. I spend most of my time reading, meditating, studying spirituality, mythology, and folklore, hiking through the woods, helping my husband with his race car, and writing my blog.

How did you find out about your ectopic pregnancy? What were the signs that led you to discovering so? 

I learned about it at the emergency room. I had no idea I was even pregnant, or that it was ectopic until I experienced the partial rupture leading to an emergency life or death situation with internal bleeding. Looking back there were minor signs but I had no idea at the time they were ectopic pregnancy symptoms. I missed one menstrual cycle but never took a pregnancy test because I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms. I’ve had 3 successful pregnancies before this one and I always have pregnancy symptoms alerting me that I’m pregnant often before a test tells me so. I assumed all this was from stress because I had been under a tremendous amount of stress before this happened. So I was waiting it out. I figured if I was pregnant I would find out eventually anyway. I had no reason to think there was something wrong beforehand.

What happened next?

I went to use the bathroom that day and then suddenly I became really sick. Dizzy, nauseous, and super hot. So I laid on the couch hoping for it to go away on its own but my symptoms only got worse. I thought my appendix had burst. Then my shoulder started to hurt worse than anything else to the point I couldn’t move without extreme pain. I was also very pale and I couldn’t stand or walk without struggling to remain conscious, so I rushed to the emergency room. I didn’t know it at the time but shoulder pain, called shoulder tip pain, is a symptom of internal bleeding. I had been bleeding internally for 15 hours before we found out why and had no idea.

For those who might not know, can you explain what an ectopic pregnancy is?

An ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilized egg grows outside of the uterus and implants somewhere else in the belly. It’s a pregnancy in the wrong location. Often in the fallopian tubes. It is very dangerous. Always a life-threatening situation. Symptoms vary from painful to nothing at all, so it’s imperative to be seen the second something feels off. I had practically no symptoms. I had no pain the entire time. Looking back on it, I did have an odd sensation on the left side of my lower abdomen but it wasn’t extreme enough to bother me. My cycle was also off. I had brown discharge a week before the rupture and experienced extreme bloating. Other than that, nothing else. I didn’t even have pregnancy symptoms.

What was your routine like right after your ectopic pregnancy? What did you do to get better?

Right after my ectopic pregnancy, I spent a week on the couch. Because I had a rupture that caused internal bleeding, I had to have laparoscopic keyhole surgery to remove the live baby, my left fallopian tube, and save my life. I had 3 incisions on my stomach and was on heavy pain medication. It was very painful and it hurt to walk or move my stomach at all for a week. I couldn’t do much for 2 weeks. I rested as much as I could because I lost 2 liters of blood and needed blood transfusions which caused me to feel extremely exhausted for the first few days. Then the second week I was cramping badly while shedding the uterine lining from the pregnancy. Those contractions felt like labor pains! So I slept most of the time to help my body recover from the trauma.

Which 3 objects or people were most useful then? 

My husband. He was my support system. He helped me so much! I don’t know what I would have done without him. I also had a walking stick he bought me that helped me to get around the house. Walking was extremely painful and I couldn’t stand up straight so that stick was my saver to getting around the house and grabbing things I couldn’t reach. I also bought a wedge pillow that helped me sleep in my bed instead of the couch. Because of the surgery and trauma to my stomach, I was unable to sleep on my side or lay flat on my back. So the wedge pillow allowed me to sleep comfortably upright for 6 weeks.

Which place was most useful?

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust online. I had no idea what an ectopic pregnancy was, or what to expect in my recovery, or exactly what happened to me. I was completely left in the dark. In order to better understand what happened and what was to come, I lived on that website for weeks.

How long did it take you to get over the shock of having had an ectopic pregnancy? What really helped you feel better?

As of right now, it’s been 6 months since it happened and I don’t think it’s something that you can “get over.” I’m still in shock, I’m still in disbelief, I’m still recovering, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I almost died, and I’m still brokenhearted over losing my baby. My baby was alive and well, just in the wrong location. I heard his heartbeat and the doctors kept reminding me that he was a fully formed living baby with a face, fingers, hands, toes and feet. It was also a boy. Someone made me a baby blanket with the baby’s initials on it and my mother made me a trinket with angel wings and the baby’s name. I found that comforting. I have an angel candle that I light every day in remembrance of my baby and I also created a shadow box frame with the ultrasound pictures in it along with my favorite sayings to help me cope with the loss a bit. It’s been rough for me.

What did you learn from having had an ectopic pregnancy that you didn’t know before?

Good question! The one thing I learned from this is how precious life really is. I came face to face with death at 38 years old. I can honestly say I took a look at my life and thought – I’m not ready to go this young. I have so much more I want to accomplish and do with my life. It’s like I got a second chance. It also made me cherish what I do have even more. The people in my life mean so much to me and they almost lost me. All the little things that irritated and stressed me out I realized weren’t that big of a deal. Life is much more than that petty stuff.

Also, as a very anxious person that worries a lot, I realized more than anything not to worry about things I cannot control. Worrying is a waste of time. We spend so much energy worrying about things that haven’t even happened as a way to prepare but whatever does happen will never be anything that you conjure up in your head. So worrying is a big waste of time. If something does happen, you’ll just figure it out as you go. Nothing can be prepared for ahead of time in life.

This also made me realize how much I love being a mother. Motherhood can be stressful and having raised 3 children already, one on the autism spectrum, there were times where I was frustrated with being a mother. Losing my baby made me realize more than ever how precious my children are. I may have taken that for granted a bit.

If you could go back and replay your experience with the ectopic pregnancy all over again, what would you do differently?

If I could do it all over again I would go to the doctors as soon as something felt off instead of waiting it out. My body was telling me for a couple of months that something was wrong and I waited hoping it would resolve itself instead of just going to the doctors. Because of Covid-19, I was avoiding the hospitals. Waiting almost cost me my life. I was unaware that what was happening was an ectopic pregnancy. I had no idea what an ectopic pregnancy was or what any of the symptoms were. I also had no idea I was even pregnant in the first place because I didn’t have the same experiences or symptoms as I did with my other 3 pregnancies. I should have just taken a pregnancy test and went to the doctor the second I noticed something was wrong. The second I missed my period I should have gone to the doctors and it would have been discovered and resolved without me almost dying.

What advice do you have for those who are presently going through or getting over an ectopic pregnancy too? And what advice do you have for their family and friends?

For those that are going through this just know that everything that is happening with your body and everything that you are feeling is absolutely normal. That is the biggest question I see most women who have gone through or are going through this ask. You just went through, or are going through, something very traumatic and very terrifying. It is normal to be upset, to be scared, to be grieving. To grieve the loss of your fertility, to grieve the loss of a piece of your body now gone, to grieve almost losing your own life, and most importantly the loss of your precious baby and the hopes and dreams that came with it. For those close to someone going through this, they need as much support, patience, and compassion as possible. Hold space for them to talk about it as much as they want, and share as much as they want about it if they choose without judgment or advice. Give them the space to heal in their own way. They just lost a lot and it’s very traumatic. Love is the best medicine.

Lastly, how are you doing these days?

I’m doing much better actually, thanks for asking! I didn’t think I would because I took this so hard. I cried every day for 6 months. My body ached for a long time and it felt like it was taking forever to get past this. I just started my exercise routine back up and I’m starting to feel much better mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Find out more about Pamela at www.spiritual-navigator.com, or follow her on Instagram and Facebook. You can also ask her questions using the comment box below.

More interviews with people who’ve been through life’s challenges here.

Photograph copyright of Pamela Ellis. Interviewer: Sy
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