How I Coped When My Mum Died When I Was 21

At 21 years of age, when just a student in polytechnic, Jasmine Chen received an unexpected call that changed her life forever. Her mum had passed away. Abruptly too. Nine years later, she shares her story of getting through grief at a young age and tells us how it honestly feels to have to continue on without a mum in the years afterward.

“You know, you will never get over it but, you know, you will definitely learn to cope with it.”

Q: How did you find out your mum had passed away? What were you doing right before that and what did you do right after that?

A: I was at the salon cutting hair and I received a call from my brother. I rushed home after that.

What did it feel like when you first heard the news? What about at the funeral and in the days after?

I don’t know. It’s like I didn’t believe it at first. I wasn’t crying when I was on the way home. So many things were running through my mind. Like thinking if it’s all real. But right after I reached home, I saw my family crying… and then it really hit me. I broke down after that.

During the funeral, it still felt like the fact that she’s gone hadn’t really set in yet. We were busy with the funeral, friends and family came, but once it was over, I would just cry and ask why.

How long did it take you to get over the grief of losing your mother? Was that longer or shorter than you expected, or are you still somewhat sad?

I can’t remember how long I took to get over the grief. I don’t think you really ‘get over’? As days go by, you just learn how to cope better. Of course, I will still think of her every now and then and I miss her. Sometimes, I will just think how great if we could do this or do that together. But hey, it’s okay, she will always be in my heart.

Have you gotten over your mum’s death? If yes, what was the turning point that helped you get over her? If no, why not?

It has been a while. Yes, I’ve gotten over it. There’s no specific turning point. I just look forward. Happy or sad, life goes on. Why not live every day happily, right? Friends’ support is important too. I’m really thankful to friends who stick around and gave their support.

What advice do you have for someone who’s just lost a mum?

“Remember that she wants you to be happy too.”

It’s sad. Very, very sad. And it takes time to get better. How? You know, you will never get over it but, you know, you will definitely learn to cope with it. Why do I say that you will never get over it? Because you know that she will always be in your heart. Just remember that she wants you to be happy too. So take your time to look forward and be happy.

Can you map out a recommended path to healing for people who’ve only just lost their mums to follow?

There’s no recommended path. This is what I did: Surround yourself with people you love and keep yourself busy doing things you like. Or do whatever that can make you feel better. It’s hard but you will get better.

How did losing your mum change you as a person? Or did it not change you?

I mean, it didn’t really change me. I had no choice but to learn how to be an adult. I was in a single parent family, living with my grandparents. I was only 21-years-old. I had to learn how to pay bills and how to take care of my younger brother, who is 6 years younger, and my grandparents. So I guess I had to ‘grow up’ faster than I had to be?

If you could go back and replay the time you had with your mum all over again, what would you do differently?

I would probably spend more time with her. Like travelling together?

Which major event in your life has made you who you are, in your opinion? Why do you think so?

There’s no major event… you just learn and grow with whatever you’ve been through. Good or bad.

Which 3 objects/people in your life can you presently not live without and why?

My grandmother! She has been the one taking care of us since young.

Jasmine is presently a Producer/Director who insists she will never stop being 21-years-old. She is presently working on setting up an e-commerce site and will give us the link when she launches it in the coming two or three months.

Photographs courtesy and copyright of Jasmine Chen. Interviewer: Sy
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