Joan, who we interviewed earlier about being a minimalist, first decided she never wanted kids at age 14. 15 years later, she met Cedric Chew who, at age 12, had decided not to have children too. Now that they’ve been in a relationship for about 2 years and enjoy living with their fur-kids, we asked them why they made the choice not to have kids and what the outcome of that choice has been like.
“Even as a child I found other kids annoying.”
Q: Hi Joan! Thank you for coming back to talk about a different topic today, and with your partner too! To start, could you tell us a little about yourselves? Who are you and how do you tick?
Joan: Hello. I am Joan, founder of Minimalism in Singapore, mummy to two cats and am in a managerial position in the private education industry.
Cedric: Hi, I’m Cedric, dad to one very spoiled cat and many, many guitars, and I’m a sales manager for a Pro Audio company.
You both identify as wanting to be child-free. Did you both decide on that together or was that what led you both to choosing each other?
Joan: It was pretty much a pre-requisite for me before we started to date, imho haha.
Cedric: Wanting kids is a deal breaker for me when it comes to getting into long term relationships
Joan and Cedric’s cat.
What are your individual reasons for wanting to be child-free? What makes you feel that way?
Joan: Being career driven and understanding the repercussions of being a parent to a child that needs almost a 30-year (or more!) commitment is too much of a balancing game to me. I like to plan for the future, and I would prefer to see myself in a relaxed state of mind when I am old and wrinkly.
Cedric: I’ve never liked children or the costs involved in their upkeep. Even as a child I found other kids annoying. Then over the years I realised how much money my parents spent raising me and I thought, “Man if I ever had that money I’m keeping it for myself!”
Why do you think you want to be child-free when many other people feel strongly for the exact opposite? Is it something about your personality, or past, or…?
Joan: Firstly, I hate to fail. To me, being a parent is daunting as managing a young one is not easy and you’d definitely be criticised no matter what you do. Secondly, being an educator, I think I have “parented” enough for a lifetime. I do enjoy watching my students flourish, but I don’t think I can come home to another batch of children and unwind at the same time.
Cedric: I’m an only child, and even during extended family gatherings I never liked playing with most of the other kids my age—I would either be reading or playing Gameboy by myself, or listening to the adults talk.
What’s the best part about being a child-free couple, and what’s the worst?
Joan: Best part: I get to spend my money on relationships, self-care, health care that many put off if they have kids due to financial allocation. I also have less stress should I face a period where I do not have income coming in. The worst would probably be having to face relationship challenges head-on without an external distraction (but it is something I’d prefer than avoid) and missing out on “family nucleus only” financial subsidies from the government.
Cedric: The best part is not having to reshape and plan our entire lives around a child, not just financially, but socially and emotionally. I really can’t think of a downside!
How have the people around you reacted to your decisions to be child-free and how have you dealt with their reactions beyond ignoring them?
Joan: Well, clearly it is not supported by the family. My mother tries to convince me that having a child is equivalent to adopting a puppy. I’d much rather adopt a puppy.
Cedric: My parents don’t really care. I think having seen how I turned out they probably secretly agree that it’s best I don’t breed.
Another one of Joan and Cedric’s cats.
The Singapore government is trying its best to encourage more Singaporean couples to have Singaporean babies. What do you have to say to them?
Joan: Economically speaking, having a growing birth rate would help the country on a macro scale. However, it comes with intangible responsibilities that are not well supported by the government. One area that comes to mind is definitely postpartum depression.
Cedric: No thank you, have you seen the cost of living lately?
What advice do you have for those intending to spend their lives child-free too?
Joan: Don’t get evangelical over it. It is a choice that is outside of the norm. However, do plan well for the future—especially when explaining your choice cordially or to even stave off loneliness when you get older. Personally, I have a bucket list that I consistently strive to check off in different phases of life. I think it’s a pretty fun thing to hone and helps you grow outside your comfort zone.
Cedric: Live the way you want, not how society tells you to. And invest in quality contraceptives or make skilful withdrawals.
Which 3 things or people are most important for those wanting to be child-free?
Joan: Your support system, your plan for the future, to be flexible to change.
Cedric: Your accountant, lawyer, and real estate agent. They’ll be invaluable in helping you spend and manage the money you’ll be saving by being child-free!
Which place is most useful?
Joan: …
Cedric: The place without any children.
More of Joan and Cedric’s cats.
Lastly, what if… just what if… you end up with a child anyway by the hand of fate?
Joan: Abortion is the first route we’ve agreed on. Firstly, it’s not as dangerous as it seems. Secondly, giving the child up for adoption may leave a child traumatised in future anyway.
Cedric: Yes, and the hand of fate will be given a firm slap on the wrist.
Joan plans to work on her career, work on her bucket list and improve relationships with friends and family in the next year. Cedric says he’ll be working on a Death Metal album for children about being child-free—“I’ve already booked a kindergarten to record in.” You can find out more about them on Joan’s website, minimalisminsingapore.wordpress.com.
At age 55, when their peers were thinking about retirement, Evelyn Eng-Lim and her husband bought a farm at the edge of a city. It took them 6 months to grow their first vegetables and more than 5 years to break even, but their farm home has been thriving for almost 2 decades since. We asked the now 75-year-old how they did it.
“Now I had control over what I ate!”
Q: Hi Farmer Evelyn! What made you and Farmer Tian Soo want to start a farm and live in it as a retirement home? What was going on in your life when you made that decision?
A: When my husband & I decided to start our farm, it wasn’t for retirement. We were rather at a crossroad of our lives.
It all started in 1984, when I volunteered for the Malayan Nature Society (Singapore Branch), which later became Nature Society Singapore (NSS). For 15 years, the society was my full-time job as I operated and managed its office.
During those years as a volunteer, I read of numerous cases of pesticide contamination of imported vegetables which the Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority of Singapore (AVA, now known as Singapore Food Agency, SFA) had rejected because pesticide residues had exceeded the allowed limits.
As a vegetarian, those cases shocked me because I did not have full control over what I ate!
Evelyn, before she had a farm.
I realised I had to take action, in pursuit of a self-sufficient and sustainable lifestyle, by growing my own vegetables, rearing my own chickens and making my own compost. As a result of this self-sufficient and sustainable lifestyle, I would also reduce the greenhouse effect and do my part to combat climate change. How exhilarating!
I understand you now grow your greens organically—without chemicals and pesticides. Why so?
Synthetic man-made chemicals in the form of fertiliser and pesticides are not in a bio-chemical structural form so they are like foreign invaders into our biological entity. Organic matters and living organisms like insects, bacteria, fungi, earthworms exist in all healthy soil. When humans apply synthetic fertilisers, weedicides and insecticides, these soil organisms get ‘sick’ and slowly die, leaving the soil dead.
Soil organisms in their natural cycle of life and death are providing nutrients back to the soil which can nourish plants. Plants provide animals with food and in return, animals help in pollination or dispersal of seeds. All living things are interconnected through the Food Web. We should not decimate so called “pests” to produce food. “Pests” such as caterpillars are food for some birds and insects that may help in pollination and seed dispersal. Eventually, caterpillars become butterflies which are efficient pollinators. Without these pollinators, there will be no fruits and vegetables for consumption.
Humans tend to forget that we are part of the Food Web. Out of ignorance, commercial farmers produce vegetables laced with synthetic chemicals which are now known to mimic human hormones, upsetting the delicate balance in our bodies. Some scientists even believe that these exposures could be one of the causes of cancer, diabetes and allergies, which are so prevalent even in young people.
How then did you manage to acquire farmland in Singapore when the country is mostly all city?
In 1995, I called the AVA and was informed that tenders for farmland were regularly conducted in the newspaper. While we waited for the farmland tenders, I grew some vegetables in a common area at my condominium and at the same time, the AVA’s farmland regulations also evolved to allow the building of a home on farmland. This was a new clause which further appealed to me. Now I can live and immerse in nature. Perfect!
The Neo Tiew area was one of our prospective sites to tender but the frequent bombastic sounds of fighter jets from the nearby Sungai Tengah Military Airport was a major concern for us. There were other tender options at that time but they were mostly for shorter periods, versus Neo Tiew’s 20-year lease. Another option would be to operate in Malaysia but with Singapore as our home.
Having weighed our options carefully, we decided to proceed with the Neo Tiew area. So in 1999, we took possession of farm parcel 41, Neo Tiew Road and I resigned from all posts with NSS.
How did you build and set up your new farm and home? Can you share your entire process?
Our philosophy was to only clear when we needed to plant or build.
1–Pond Excavation:
The first task was to excavate a seven meter deep pond to hold rain water for farm irrigation. As we had heard stories of some contractors and site owners profiting from the burial of construction and non-biodegradable waste, we had to be there to closely monitor the excavation process to avoid that from happening on our leased land. We can’t afford any pollution here.
2–Compost Production:
Compost is crucial for our soil because being in an equatorial climate, Singapore land has very little top soil due to intense plant growth all year round. I first learnt about bio-dynamic composting from Mr. Peter Proctor, a consultant from New Zealand.
In March 2000, we set up our tractor and a chipper and we were able to source for free carbon-rich tree waste from the nearby area. We then had to source for nitrogenous waste like cow poo, soya bean waste and rejected mung bean. In the beginning, it was just me and my husband working in the hot sun as I chipped away the free tree waste while he drove the tractor to move the chippings and nitrogenous waste and mix them into heaps of compost neatly arranged in rows.
Compost made from urban bio-degradable waste helps replenish the fertility of the soil. This makes agriculture more sustainable instead of using short term synthetic fertilisers which cannot sustain other living organisms in the soil. Long term use of synthetic chemicals produces dead soils. After 4 months of daily compost production, we were ready to clear some land for planting.
Evelyn and husband Lim Tian Soo, when GreenCircle Eco-Farm first opened for business.
3–Land Clearing and Planting:
Our plot of land was densely covered in wild vegetation, mainly elephant grass. We had to use our tractor to clear them which later became additional compost material. However, we had to use our tractor sparingly as the tractor would compact the soil in its path.
Providence brought us a worker who specialised in making raised planting beds. In the meantime, we sought advice from a Malaysian agriculture consultant, who was aligned with our organic farming philosophy. He helped to kickstart the operation of planting long beans, corn, lady’s finger, cucumber, sweet potatoes and tapioca.
Our clearing and planting process was executed in stages as I did not want to bare the soil to heat or rain, which would kill off soil organisms or wash away nutrients hidden in the soil. As we progressed, I hired two temporary workers to plant more beds and lay irrigation pipes under my husband’s supervision.
4–Infrastructure:
While all of the above were in progress, my husband was also busy executing the farm’s infrastructure plans, overseeing the building of our office, visitors’ hall, workers’ quarters and our residence with an engineer and contractor.
By 2000, year end, these structures were ready and we had planted about one fifth of our plot. It was time to generate some income.
5–Operation:
As the farm’s initial operation stabilised, we needed income to offset our operating costs. We first sold our organic produce to relatives and friends by private delivery. Our workers harvested according to what was ordered, packed them with minimal packaging materials and private deliveries were scheduled as early as possible to ensure freshness upon reaching our customer’s doorstep.
During the internet growth phase in 2001, when information exchange wasn’t as readily available on the internet yet, my husband attended a website development course and built our website for our marketing and promotion purposes. As a result, our sales volume increased so he purchased a van and delivered the vegetables commercially. At the same time, we gained more attention from the media and the public. Schools and corporate clients were enquiring about farm tours so I seized the opportunity to design informative educational tours, which became one of the most important aspect of our farm. I am most passionate about using our farm as a platform to raise awareness on sustainability and environmental issues.
By 2005, my husband and I were still without salaries but our farm had broken even. Instead, we were remunerated by the presence of the wildlife: birds, bees, butterflies, squirrels, garden lizards and the wide variety of chemical-free vegetables and fruits for our own consumption. This was what we had envisioned, a self-sufficient and sustainable lifestyle.
Now I had control over what I ate!
What about farming techniques and processes? Where did you learn those from?
We learnt some of it from Peter Proctor and our Malaysian consultant but a lot of it was self-taught and through a series of “trial and error”.
What is your routine like now that you’re a farmer? What do you do on weekdays and what do you do on weekends?
During 2005 to 2010, a typical day for us was:
7am—Check crops (>100 varieties).
Most workers only had experience in planting rice and growing vegetables in the conventional way by using lots of synthetic pesticides and fertilisers. They often wondered why I would forbid the use of pesticides to eradicate pests. Hence I had to educate and change their mindset and supervise them on how to care for the plants, to increase efficiency of their assigned tasks such as weeding, planting and harvesting.
1pm—Lunch break.
2:20pm—Continue work on the farm and supervision.
As if that was not challenging enough, residue building debris from the mid-1980s was littered under the surface of our plot. The debris was supposed to be carted away but instead they had been unscrupulously buried and old foundations were not dug up. It was discouraging for us, when tilling in the hot sun, to find these residue debris. We also had to dig out historic mortar using only a straight steel rod to check for deeply embedded ones. When I wasn’t around, our workers turned a blind eye, resulting in the poor growth of deeply rooted vegetables and fruit trees.
Things around the farm started to improve after 2010. I was more experienced and our workers were more efficient. I spent less time in the field and more time in the office, responding to customer feedback and queries; hosting group tours for kids, students and the elderly.
By 2015, competition had intensified and I had to increase our marketing efforts by promoting our group tours. A typical day for us now still starts at 7am with 3 foreign workers reporting to me and telling me what they planned to do for the day. Farming and housekeeping tasks are then assigned on a priority basis based on weather conditions and the efficient use of our resources.
To some, weekends may be a time for rest but since we live within our farm, we are never fully rested as there are endless tasks at hand and improvements to be made. However, we do enjoy a good meal and a movie occasionally to unwind. My husband loves listening to music and golf while I am an avid supporter of local theatre and stage productions.
Do you think it’s important for Singapore to have its own farms?
It is very important! Singapore must have its own farms so that our citizens and younger generations can obtain an understanding of the farming process, which results in what goes into our diet. We must create little food forests for healthy and efficient growing of food to promote sustainable farming.
Although it is almost impossible for Singapore to be fully self-sufficient in farming due to our limited land mass, we can still create sustainable farms in Singapore to be used as farm models for other regional farms where we import food from.
Evelyn giving a talk at her farm.
What do you hope to achieve when you conduct tours on your farm?
In 2015, we actively marketed our informative educational group tours to schools, universities and corporations. Our primary objective was to educate each participant to not fear nature because all living things are interconnected and we depend on each other for our survival.
During our group tours, participants learn:
a—To SHARE food with insects and animals: nothing wrong with eating vegetables with holes.
b—Why a 50% plant based diet is important for their health and why walking under the sun for half an hour is healthy.
We particularly like to influence the preschoolers in their early formative years (we try our best to do it in a fun, creative and activity based way).
Evelyn’s farm, Green Circle Eco-Farm (www.greencircle.com.sg), presently conducts cooking and farming courses and provides farming consultation, on top of selling vegetables and running group tours. Next week, we’ll have another chat with Evelyn about the challenges of being a organic farmer and what she’s learned from dealing with those. See you then!
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Evelyn Eng-Lim. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
At age 17, when most of his classmates were gearing up for the big A-Level examinations, Jeshua Soh chose to drop out of school. Because he had been enrolled in Hwa Chong Institution’s Integrated Programme—a six-year course which skips the O/N-Level examinations to prepare students directly for the A-Levels—he had only the PSLE certificate he had gotten at age 12 to his name. We sat him down to find out what happened next.
“I believe that it has helped me, ironically, to see the importance of learning.”
Q: Hi again, Jeshua! Can you introduce yourself to those who haven’t read you before—share where you’re from and why you wanted to drop out of school?
A: I’m a filmmaker by training and an accidental entrepreneur who has started 3 companies and 1 Facebook channel to date. Examinations have never been a big focus for me, having entered Hwa Chong Institution’s (HCI) Integrated Programme (IP) through the Direct School Admission route after primary school, and skipping O/N-Levels as a result. At the age of 17, I chose to drop out of Year 5 in HCI to read Film, Sound & Video in Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s School of Film and Media Studies. At Ngee Ann Polytechnic, we were assessed based on project work and not examinations, owing to the nature of our course being practical and team-based.
A photo Jeshua created before he decided to drop out of school.
How does Singapore, your home country, view school dropouts? What were you taught to think of it as a child, and how did you feel about it then?
Dropouts are one of many kinds of people who break from the conventional ‘path’. In my case, it was a voluntary action, and I appreciate that I had done so having weighed both options (of completing IP and of studying film). I feel that many people in Singapore are conditioned through their growing up environment and societal structures to stick to a well-trodden path, and hence dropouts may be viewed as unconventional at best, or crazy, at worst.
How then did you manage to drop out of school? Can you share your entire process and also how you figured that process out?
Dropping out of HCI was actually pretty simple: I just had to walk into the general office and meet the vice principal, sign a form, pay the remaining school fees and I was out. As for securing a place in Ngee Ann Polytechnic without an O-Level certificate, I needed to apply under a direct admission exercise and sit for an interview before being offered a place.
What did your parents think of your decision? What about your teachers and classmates?
Initially, there was the usual and warranted concern, but I am glad that my parents became supportive of my decision to pursue an education and career in media/entrepreneurship as time went along. The teachers and classmates who I’ve kept in contact with are also happy for me, and I hope that those who I’ve not spoken to in years will feel the same way 😛
What was your routine like before you dropped out of school? What did you do on weekdays and what did you do on weekends?
I was going to school/CCA [co-curricular activities] and church on weekends. It was actually at the age of 9 that I started volunteering in my church’s media team and gaining exposure to different aspects of audio/video/live production. I joined the media club during secondary school and a lot of CCA’s during my 3-month stint in JC [Junior College; the later segment of HCI’s Integrated Programme] (as I was already quite sure I wasn’t staying for long).
Jeshua (first row, middle) around the time he decided to drop out of school.
What about after you dropped out of school? How did your routine change?
There was no longer a big A-Level examination to look forward to, and classes in polytechnic were much shorter, though much more time and emphasis would be spent on project work/assignments. I had the opportunity to go overseas 6 times as part of my 3-year curriculum and couldn’t have asked for a better course to study in (not sponsored by NP to say this!) because of the teachers, curriculum and amazing people whom I met along the way.
Which 3 objects or people were most useful to you right after you dropped out of school?
Camera, Laptop & EZ-Link card? I didn’t start using a smartphone until late 2015, when I enlisted into NS [National Service], so my MacBook Pro was what got me around the assignments/projects that we had to do. My camera was useful as I took on freelance jobs doing corporate videos, weddings and also joined the photography club in NP [Ngee Ann Polytechnic]. Lastly, the EZ-Link card was a good way to get around Singapore in pre-Grab/Uber days!
Which place in Singapore was most useful?
School and ‘virtual school’ (i.e. the internet) was and still is useful for learning and picking up many interesting skills and knowledge. Post dropping out, I was still immensely interested in current affairs, economics and philosophy, and decided to continue pursuing some of these interests outside of my polytechnic. I would also remember what one lecturer advised me: about how film is just a medium and knowing more about the world we live in is key to the stories that we can tell through this medium—hence continual learning from different sources is something that I believe has played a big role in making me who I am today.
What were the biggest obstacles you faced when trying to drop out of school in Singapore, and after you dropped out of school, and how did you overcome them?
I believe the biggest obstacle was perceived risk—this was contributed by society, family and myself, that I had come so far only to drop out with just a PSLE [Primary School Leaving Examination] certificate, and if I didn’t do well for polytechnic—where would I go/what will I do? Perhaps this is also the reason why I often argue that people see that they have too much to lose, instead of too much to give. When we change our frame of mind/perspective, to question the possible outcomes of giving our best shot at something, instead of remaining in a worried/paranoid state of mind, I believe that one opens him/herself to much more opportunities!
A photo Jeshua created shortly after he dropped out of school.
Now that you’ve done it, would you recommend dropping out of school in Singapore?
Don’t drop out of school for the sake of doing so. But if you’re able to learn outside of the structured environment, and are looking to take advantage of a unique opportunity that may not present itself to you again, consider it carefully. Talk to some friends and family, perhaps even folks from the area that you’re looking to step into, but don’t be overly swayed by any group because as I mentioned earlier, chances are that you will be called unconventional, or even crazy. There is certainly a risk/opportunity cost in every decision you have to make.
What have you learned from having dropped out of school that you didn’t know before? How have you changed as a person since?
I didn’t know that people would one day be asking me this question. I guess I didn’t really think that it was any big achievement/something to be proud of 9 years back, but today I believe that it has helped me, ironically, to see the importance of learning—whether in or out of the education system. In my work overseas in Myanmar, I constantly advocate a mindset of continuous learning and discovery and for students to give their best in the environment they are currently in.
What advice do you have for those who hope to drop out of school too?
If you’ve already carefully considered this decision and consulted your various circles of friends/families as recommended above, the advice I would have is to own the decision (if you had a choice) and make the best use of your time, energy and resources in the new path you’re choosing to take without looking back. If you don’t have a choice, work hard and smart during your next phase in life (be it another educational institution/working life) so that you may have more choices and opportunities in time to come.
What’s the worst advice you’ve been given, or have heard people giving, with regards to dropping out of school? And what’s the best?
The worst advice someone has given me is that without a university degree, you can’t do much in Singapore. I must admit that that is true for certain professions such as doctors/lawyers, but, at least for what I’m doing, I don’t feel like I’ve been hindered by not having that piece of paper.
Jeshua (seated) with a person and the objects that really helped him after he dropped out of school.
What other bold things would you try to do next and who can LUCK-IT interview to give you some tips on how you can achieve those?
I will like to cycle from Singapore to Thailand perhaps? Probably only hard work and training can help in achieving that… but perhaps someone who has done so before and can share his/her experience of doing so and the possible pitfalls to avoid, or nuggets of wisdom [attained] while attempting such a long ride.
Lastly, what would you be teaching your kids, or the kids around you, about school and academic qualifications?
Academic qualifications are important to some but not all, and school should be taken seriously because not everyone has an opportunity to go to school. At the end of the day though, neither should be worshipped as they are a means to an end—learning and a never-say-die attitude is more important.
Jeshua is presently a 24-year-old entrepreneur/film-maker who’s been going around the world to introduce the services of his businesses while continuing his own learning journey. He does not have a bucket list but believes that the world is his classroom and Singapore, his homeland. You can spot him at JRC.sg‘s City Hall collection point in Singapore or the Crossworks office in Bahan Township in Myanmar, or just get his advice on quitting school through the comment box below.
He also wants to say: “I have recently taken an interest in flood prevention in Myanmar and released two videos (here and here) thus far, concerning the problem and causes of the yearly floods. This year along, over 200,000 people have been displaced and if you would like to contribute in some way/shape/form, please comment on the second video and share it as well!”
Interviewer Note: Like Jeshua, I too dropped out of school at about 19, except, unlike him, I was in university, didn’t have any idea what I wanted to do with myself next, didn’t consult anyone before making the decision, and was eventually made to feel a lot of shame for having done that.
Fast forward almost two decades, I can now tell you, I do not regret dropping out, nor have I ever felt much of a pinch for being a school dropout. In fact, rather than destroy me, dropping out opened new opportunities, experiences and conversations I never would have had had I stayed on the route I had been on.
It’s not that I recommend dropping out: dropping out is not a walk in the woods and comes with emotional and financial challenges the dropout will need to be ready to deal with at short notice; plus like Jeshua said, nobody wants to be operated on by a surgeon with no certificate so if that is what you want, hell yes, get that certificate. But all the same, I do think those kids who have dropped out or are thinking of dropping out should know that quitting school is hardly the end of the world.
Life options don’t just freeze after you end school. You have till your dying day to go back to school. There is always a new day, a new chance to try and attain success in your own way (like Hui Ling, the Young Artist Award winner we interviewed earlier did).
More importantly, as another school dropout, Steve Jobs, once said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” So that is what you really should be figuring out, not just how to attain better certificates. 😉
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Jeshua Soh. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
When 49, after having spent two decades working as a polytechnic lecturer, private school teacher, civil servant and freelancer, Kelvin Seah dropped his career to embark on a whole new occupation—that of being a full-time stay-at-home dad. He tells us the realities of being a SAHD in his prime years and shares his reasons for doing so.
“Be prepared for it to be a lonely journey.”
Q: Hi Kelvin! Can you introduce yourself—share where you’re from and why you wanted to be a stay-at-home dad?
A: My name is Kelvin Seah. I’m 49 this year and my varied career spanning over 2 decades included stints in the public, private and voluntary sectors. I was formerly a public servant for over 5 years, and thereafter an educator for some 15 years. The first three of those 15 years were spent teaching English in Vietnam as a volunteer, and in a local private school in Singapore thereafter. The last 12 of those 15 years were spent as a local polytechnic lecturer in the areas of tourism/hospitality as well as media management and communications skills.
I left formal employment in May this year to spend time at home with my two sons who are 10 and 8 years old. My youngest (Caleb) has moderate autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and global developmental delay (GDD). The move to leave full-time employment was done mainly with him in mind, given his condition and the interventions needed to help him develop in his learning and growth.
Kelvin and son on a day out and about Singapore.
How does Singapore perceive men who stay home and make childcare their primary occupation? What were you taught to think of it as a child, and how did you feel about it then?
Like many parts of the world throughout history, the culture here in Singapore, in my humble opinion, typically regards the man as head of the household and the one to provide financially for the family. So to not be employed, and thus not bring home a paycheck, is probably frowned upon in most families and by broader society.
When I was young, I saw evidence all around me of fathers being absent from home, including from my own family. My father would be out most of the day to work, and only be back late for dinner. With that kind of modelling, it wasn’t hard for me to internalise this perception of the always-out-and-working role of men and fathers in society as the norm.
I would have to say that I feel very much the absence of a constant father figure in my life growing up. I’ve had to figure many things out on my own, and though many may think that doing so builds up one’s independence, it also unfortunately does little to build up a healthy self-esteem and emotional well-being. I’ve struggled for years in these two areas and have often wished I had a closer and more emotionally-connected relationship with my father (he passed away 5 years ago).
How then did you manage to become a stay-at-home dad? Can you share your entire process and also how you figured that process out?
Towards the end of 2017 when his diagnosis was confirmed, I realised that we needed as a family to step up in more tangible ways to intervene and help Caleb overcome the major challenges he will face growing up with special needs.
It was clear that at least one parent needed to be at home more in order to help him. As my wife had taken no-pay leave and half-time work for much of his initial years, it was decided that this time, it would be my turn to step up to the plate and take time off.
At the start of 2018, we decided to let Caleb repeat his K2 [Kindergarten Year 2] year so as to give us more time to work with him in hopes he might be readier to enter mainstream P1 [Primary 1] education in 2019, being a year older than his peers by then (and hopefully a year ‘wiser’ too!).
Concurrently, I applied for a year-long sabbatical from my work at the polytechnic to focus on staying home with Caleb. Freelance work came my way soon after though, so eventually it became more tenable for me to resign, and focus on that instead as it gave me locational mobility to work from home.
By mid 2018, it was clear that Caleb might not be ready for the rigours of a mainstream primary education so we decided to apply to Pathlight School, which offers places to students with autism to take the MOE [Ministry of Education] primary school curriculum, but in a manner and pace more suited to their unique learning challenges.
By May 2019, my freelance work had become way too consuming at the expense of meaningful time with Caleb, and I decided to quit that and focus fully on him. For me, the dawning realisation that my son only has the next 10 years of his life (before he hits 18) left to ‘catch-up’ in terms of his learning and behaviour before he ‘joins’ society as a grown-up made the decision a no-brainer, though it did come at quite a cost to me career-wise and financially.
What is the routine of a stay-at-home dad? What do you do on weekdays and what do you do on weekends?
Typically on weekdays, I would send Caleb to school by 7.30am; the journey can take anything between 30 and 45 minutes, depending on traffic. Thereafter I’ll spend the rest of the morning running errands, or exercising, or blogging, or reading/researching more about autism and other areas of personal interests. Sometimes I’ll catch up with friends for a cuppa.
By noon, I’ll be setting off back to his school to fetch Caleb home. The afternoons are spent looking after him and his brother to make sure they complete their homework, with time in the late afternoons and early evenings for some outdoor play time before dinner. Afternoons are also spent helping Caleb improve in areas like fine and gross motor skills, and speech skills, via activities like reading, art therapy and body movement exercises.
Weekends are spent helping with more homework but also with time to take the family out for walks, visits, shopping and stuff most families here do on weekends.
Which 3 objects or people are most helpful for you as a stay-at-home dad?
I would have to say my spouse, my elder son (who’s neuro-typical) and my helper are the 3 most helpful people for me.
Kelvin’s son, during a session of art therapy.
Which place in Singapore is most useful?
When it comes to family-friendly places to go, Singapore has no lack. Our family enjoys visiting the public libraries and museums. We also enjoy the parks and playgrounds that are scattered throughout the island.
But when it comes to places where stay-home dads like me can get some quiet downtime to reflect and recharge, I’ve found Bishan Stadium to be quite a nice and shady spot on weekday mornings. For me, finding a quiet and cool place outside of home is an important fixture in my weekly routine. Without it, it’s pretty easy to unravel and lose my sanity in the midst of all the responsibilities that come with taking care of my kids.
What were the biggest obstacles you faced when trying to be a stay-at-home dad, or during your time as a stay-at-home dad, and how did you overcome them?
Loss of status and income stream. Explaining my choice to those without direct and regular contact with special needs children. Shrinking of social circle and common topics of discussion. Occasionally coping with a sense of loss as to my purpose in life.
To cope, I’ve to intentionally carve out time each week to step away from home and get outdoors or do something I enjoy. I also seek out conversation and companionship with friends who have time to meet and listen.
Now that you’ve done it, would you recommend more fathers in Singapore stay home to focus on raising their children?
Perhaps rather than answering directly as to whether I do or don’t recommend, I would instead suggest that people really prioritise family above work in earnestness and not just pay lip service to the idea just because it sounds like the ‘politically right’ thing to say.
I totally understand that every family’s situation is unique and I don’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all solution, nor do issues/solutions stay static. As such, I wouldn’t outrightly say that other fathers should do what I do. Adaptability is key in the process of deciding what’s best for one’s family because decisions made today may need to change tomorrow depending on circumstances. But as with any decision, one must be prepared for the accompanying outcomes that the decision entails. It helps if you can find others who’ve already made similar decisions to understand what these outcomes might be.
What have you learned from having been a stay-at-home dad that you didn’t know before? How have you changed as a person since?
It’s often a lonely journey. This might well be the reason why many ‘wisely’ choose not to be stay-at-home dads.
That the money can run out faster than you can imagine if you don’t quickly curtail your expenses and watch your family finances more closely.
I’ve become more grateful for the little things, and mindful that simple contentment in the little insignificant moments of the everyday is a virtue worth pursuing, one that goes against the glitzy conventional wisdom out there that says you should ‘pack more into your daily schedule’ to prove your worth and showcase your achievements. I don’t need to justify my life to anyone but the Almighty and my family.
What advice do you have for other men who want to become stay-at-home dads too?
Be prepared for it to be a lonely journey.
Be prepared that others (even loved ones) won’t understand and will envy you for what they perceive to be more free time than they have. Or worse, they may deride or mock you directly or indirectly for ‘lamenting/complaining’ about how all-consuming your stay-at-home role can be (even though it really is, and you do need to let off some steam at times in order to de-stress), compared to the role of full-time employed parents!
Accept the reality that no full-time employed person will ever truly believe that you (a stay-home-dad) are as busy as they are, even if you were to show them how busy your daily schedule can be. This is the inherent unspoken bias society imposes on stay-home parents everywhere, so be prepared!
Be disciplined and make sure you spend your time meaningfully, always staying focused on why you chose this path.
Be sure to set aside time regularly to do things for yourself too (with AND without your spouse, but definitely WITHOUT the kids!). Do things that you enjoy and that will keep you sane, be it going to the movies on your own or enjoying a slow cup of latte at your favourite coffee shop and watching the world whisk by.
What’s the worst advice you’ve been given, or have heard people giving, with regards to being a stay-at-home dad? And what’s the best?
None comes to mind—worst or best.
What other bold things would you try to do next and who can LUCK-IT interview to give you some tips on how you can achieve those?
Again, none comes to mind.
Lastly, what will you be teaching your kids about gender roles in relationships?
That each gender has a role he/she is most suited to play.
That the world will impose its ever-shifting standards of gender norms on us, but it is far wiser to base our standards on a higher and more values-centred level, one that recognises the uniqueness of each gender, and the role he/she was designed to play from time immemorial.
Kelvin is presently still a stay-at-home dad who might possibly teach part-time should opportunities arise. You may follow his adventures as a stay-at-home dad raising a child with autism via his blog, kelvinsmusings.home.blog, or share with him your own experience with being a stay-at-home parent here using the comment box below.
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Kelvin Seah. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
Growing up in poverty, Dr. Y from Balestier Hill Primary School was a less than spectacular student who could only qualify for a ‘last choice secondary school’ (his words), Whitley Secondary School, before failing to qualify for Junior College as well. At age 24 however, he graduated from university with a degree in Dentistry and by age 28, was able to set up his own dental clinic in Singapore. We asked the now 60-year-old how he found a way past his childhood limitations and acquired a bunch of tips for those growing up in challenging circumstances.
“Build character first. With character build perseverance. Set realistic targets and set it higher slowly. Enjoy the journey.”
Q: Hi! Welcome to LUCK-IT! Thanks for coming on to share your story with us. To start, tell us a little about yourself when you were a kid? You call yourself a ‘late developer’, so how ‘undeveloped’ were you when you were young? How lousy were you academically and what were all the things you failed at?
A: I was in the top class of my primary school but was weak in both the languages and average in mathematics. But I was very good in science.
Dr. Y when still a kampung boy, with his pet hen.
When did you start achieving more success in life? How old were you when that happened and what was the turning point or turning points that led you to success?
I failed mathematics at my mid-year exams in secondary 2 and in that exam, my good friend in class scored 95 marks. I learned, from him, that he already read the examples in the textbook before the teacher taught the topic and did all the simple exercises in the textbook, and after the lesson, did all the difficult optional exercises.
What were all the things you figured out how to do that led to you achieving success that you didn’t know how to do when you were younger?
To do well is not just to do your homework. It’s to do your homework, study and memorise your homework and then expand your knowledge by reading widely and doing more than is required by the school.
Do you think there might be some circumstances people get born into that might naturally put them at a disadvantage when competing within the education or employment systems in Singapore? For example, not speaking English at home which makes it slightly more difficult for the kid to grasp schoolwork earlier on in life, maybe? What have you noticed around you and through your own struggles?
The home environment may not be conducive for the child to be challenged to do better. Parents may demand good results but may not be lovingly beside the child to encourage him or her in their weak subjects. Some parents farm their educational responsibilities to others and are also too ‘busy’ to impart life skills and help the child cope with failures and disappointments. Others are struggling to make ends meet and are not able to provide any form of guidance. Some parents are not aware of various organisations that can provide free help for their children.
What do you think those born into circumstances that make it more difficult to succeed within the system can do to overcome their situational disadvantages?
Increase their exposure to community-based activities. This will include various camps and group participation in projects and sports, moral education in religious settings, uniformed groups in school, playing a musical instrument, social activities with their age group peers outside of school friends.
Dr. Y in recent years, teaching oral hygiene to a class of children in a remote village located at a no man’s land between Thailand and Myanmar.
To date, what are all the things you’re proud of having achieved?
To have been able to overcome educational disadvantages in spite of a financially-challenged childhood. And to have been able to obtain a fully government-funded university education. Also to have been able to pay back and pay forward to our society here and overseas.
Are the people who knew you when you were younger surprised by how you turned out? What did they think would become of you back then and what do they think of you now?
Some are surprised I am able to become a professional, since I had come from a less common educational pathway. I cannot answer for what they think about me, but coming from a humble background, I am still a kampung boy at heart.
What was your routine when you were turning your life around, in the months leading up to your first success? How did it differ from your routine before, when you were still getting average results?
Previously, it was play hard. I was a school band drum major and a qualified marching drill instructor. After that, it was both play hard and work hard.
What is your routine like now?
Still working more hours than others. Mostly in my daily work, in helping and ministering to others, and working overseas.
Dr. Y working as a dentist in Myanmar.
How do you presently spend your weekends?
In church, with friends, and family. Sunday dinner is an important family get together. I go to prison once a month on Sundays to minister to prisoners in the prison Chapel service.
What advice do you have for kids and adults who are struggling with having had only unspectacular results and achievements thus far?
Build character first. With character build perseverance. Set realistic targets and set it higher slowly. Enjoy the journey. Get like-minded friends to walk the journey. Have a group of very good friends that are always dependable in good times and bad.
Can you map out a recommended plan of action for people wanting to break out of their mediocrity to follow?
Nothing can be achieved without hard work. Set milestones in targets and labour to accomplish it. Learn from failures, re-energise and get ready to fight another day. In success, be humble and help those in need of help.
What key things/people/situations enabled you to achieve success later in life, in your opinion? Who/What really helped?
After secondary 2, I made a bargain with God—that I knew existed, but didn’t know which—that if I work hard and He will take care of me, I will serve him in whatever and wherever he calls me to. Even when my application to Junior College was rejected and I ended up attending a pre-university center, I knew that he would be my hope and I never lost hope.
Dr. Y with the residents of Chiang Rai, Thailand.
How did breaking through your own childhood limitations to become a successful adult change you as a person? Or did it not change you? What did you learn from doing so that you didn’t know before?
As mentioned earlier, I am still a kampung boy at heart. People and Family are more important than monetary and material pursuits.
If you could go back and replay your entire life all over again, what would you do differently?
I would have loved to be more active socially. The poor background made me an introvert as we did not have TV or a telephone and I was embarrassed to let friends know we were living in challenging circumstances. But I am glad to have had classmates from all walks of life. I learned respect for all, regardless of social standing, and empathy.
Dr. Y outside a house with a roof made of leaves in Sangkhlaburi, Thailand, next to a school he taught oral hygiene at.
What was your personality like when you were a child? What about when you were a teenager and young adult? How did your personality change at every decade? Or did it not change?
My personality has transformed from a very shy boy to one who can stand in front of a crowd and give talks. Now, I am enjoying the fruits of my hard work over the years and am happy to see our children doing well.
Which major event in your life has made you who you are, in your opinion? Why do you think so?
The day that I transacted with God. He has never failed me, even in times of failures—when I had to give up my non-performing clinic and through my previous partnership failure. And serving God has given me so many friends all over the world.
Which 3 objects/people in your life can you presently not live without and why?
Family, church friends, mission friends.
Of all the objects you bought in the past year, which has been most useful? Why?
My utility car. It’s a people and goods mover and COE is at an all-time low.
Which place in Singapore is your favourite? Why?
Toa Payoh Lorong 8 hawker center. A dinner and supper place with great food at a reasonable price.
Dr. Y and fellow dentist-volunteers at the Thailand-Myanmar border.
Which person do you wish LUCK-IT would interview for you to learn from? Why?
People who have given up their careers to serve the world’s most vulnerable children.
Lastly, what’s the worst advice you’ve been given, or have heard people giving? And what’s the best?
Any advice given when people are in the middle of a very difficult time in their life [is the worst]. The best advice: Look upwards, there is a Creator who cares for you and for me.
Dr. Y running with family and ex-prisoners at the annual Yellow Ribbon Run in Singapore.
Dr. Y is presently still a dentist, busy with overseas missions, mentoring, prison ministry and skills training for denture technicians. You will be able to chat with him if you join him for overseas missions via his Medical/dental missions Facebook page or if you drop him a note using the comment box below.
The above interview is sponsored by:
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Dr. Y. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
At age 20, when reading a Japanese fashion magazine, Dreaming Asa saw a feature about ‘traps’—a boy dressing up like a girl and looking exactly like one, ‘trapping’ one into thinking it’s a female. One year later, he tried it himself and a couple of years after that, began doing it more actively. We reached out to him for a peek at the man behind all that women’s clothing.
“To look good as a woman, it does not just end with having good makeup. Body language, tidiness and fashion play a huge part as well.”
Q: Hi Asa! Thank you for coming on board to share your thoughts with us today! First off, can you introduce yourself? Who are you, where are you from and how did you end up with 8,000 fans on your Facebook page?
A: Nice to meet you too, I am Dreaming Asa from Singapore. My hobbies include cosplaying, gaming and hanging out with friends. I did not expect my Facebook cosplay page to be popular at first but it started to attract more and more people after they found out I’m actually male.
I understand, from your Facebook page, you consider yourself male but cosplay female anime characters and often go out dressed in female get-up too? Can you reveal more about why it is you do that and where you see yourself in terms of gender and sexuality?
I get attracted to female characters from games and animes more often and I felt that I didn’t want to be bound by gender to cosplay who I like. I also dress in female get-up once a while and try to learn more about different kinds of makeup styles while practicing as much as I can. I still see myself as a male though.
When did you first dress up as a female and how did you decide to do so? What did it feel like doing so for the first time and did you go anywhere in that outfit that day?
It was almost 6 years ago, I feared that my parents would be against it so I told my sister in secret about it. I had no idea where to start and she introduced me to friends from the cosplay community who taught me how to do female makeup. It felt really embarrassing because I was afraid it would not look good but they did a good job in teaching me. We did it in a cosplay shop at SCAPE but I didn’t have the courage to go anywhere so I just stayed there the whole day. (laughs)
The first time Dreaming Asa dressed up as a woman, he was 21-years-old. He was at Orchard Road when doing so.
When did you start wearing women’s clothes on a more regular basis? What, or who, gave you the confidence to keep doing it?
I started to wear [women’s clothes] more often about 3 years ago. After I was done with NS [compulsory National Service], I started working and bought more and more female clothes. My sister managed to persuade my parents that cross-dressing is quite common nowadays and even my mom started to support me. That really boosted my confidence a lot.
How did you learn how to do hair, nails and make-up? And do you have to do anything extra to look good as a woman?
Other than my cosplay friends, my mom and my sis also taught me the tips and tricks of makeup. I also look to famous cosplayers to learn their makeup techniques and find suitable hairstyles. To look good as a woman, it does not just end with having good makeup. Body language, tidiness and fashion play a huge part as well.
Who are you when you’re not Dreaming Asa? Can you tell us or is it a secret?
N/A (Pretty much nothing.)
Does your family know about Dreaming Asa? What about ‘otokonoko’ or ‘trap’ or cosplay culture? How much do they know about those? How did they react when they found out, or how would they react?
Yes, they do and they are not impressed at all. It was thanks to my sister that they know. She managed to explain this subculture to my parents.
How popular is ‘otokonoko’ or ‘trap’ culture in Singapore, you think? Are Singaporeans receptive to seeing otokonokos out on the streets, from your experience?
From what I know, a lot of people who are into or not into cosplay also gave negative views about this trap culture.
Dreaming Asa cosplaying in September 2017.
What is your day-to-day routine like? How often do you cross-dress or are you mostly dressed as a female these days?
I try to keep my skin hydrated because I have dry skin issues. I usually dress out once every 2 weeks if my skin is doing well.
What about weekends? What do you do then?
I will hang out with my friends or do makeup tests at home.
What advice do you have for men hoping to look like Dreaming Asa and go out on the streets as Dreaming Asa does?
Having perfect makeup will not be enough, they need to learn to be feminine as well. Fashion and hairstyle play an important part too.
Can you map out a suggested action plan for people who want to do the above to follow?
Read up more fashion magazines or check out the internet for fashions that suit your taste.
What key things/people/situations enable you to be Dreaming Asa, in your opinion?
My family who’ve supported and guided me. If not, I would have stayed as a closet cross-dresser.
Dreaming Asa in casual wear in June 2018.
How did becoming Dreaming Asa change you as a person? Or did it not change you? Why?
It definitely did. I made a lot of new friends and even had supporters from overseas, something I never would have expected to have.
If you could go back and replay your entire life all over again, what would you do differently?
There is nothing I regret because what happened in the past makes me who I am today.
What were you like as a child? What about as a teenager and young adult? How did you change at every decade? Or did you not change?
I used to be a shut-in gamer. Slowly, after I started dressing up, I learned so many different things and became more open to new things.
Dreaming Asa’s makeup collection.
Which 3 objects/people in your life can you presently not live without and why?
Of all the objects you bought/received for the purpose of cross-dressing, which was most useful? Why?
Contact lens makes a huge difference for me; it’s one thing I cannot do without. It creates attention to the eyes and eye contact makes the most impact during any conversation.
Which person do you wish LUCK-IT would interview for you to learn from? Why?
Elizabeth Seah. She is the owner of Haru House, who brought Japanese culture to Singapore.
What’s the worst advice you’ve been given, or have heard people giving? And what’s the best?
N/A (Even the worst advice could have been the best. It depends on differing situations and how you perceive it.)
Dreaming Asa when not dressed up as a woman. Taken in January 2016.
Dreaming Asa is presently a transport operator and single, and is convinced most people will not be able to recognise him when he’s out in public. He is busy making props for his next cosplan but will happily answer any questions you may have for him if you ask him through his Facebook page.You may also share your own experience with cross-dressing in the comment box below.
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Dreaming Asa. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
Hong Kong resident and auditor, Wing* (not her real name) was a participant in the recent Anti-Extradition Bill Protests in Hong Kong. She doesn’t want to be identified because she fears trouble (“The internet is too powerful; some guy who created a group in Telegram got arrested!”) but she did tell us why she protested and how the protest she was at escalated into chaos.
“Tears filled our eyes. I could not tell whether it was because of the tear gas bomb or fear.”
Q: Hi Wing, are you a Hong Kong citizen? For how many years have you been living in Hong Kong?
A: Yes, [I’ve been living in Hong Kong for] more than 20 years.
How did you first know about the protests against the extradition bill and why did u want to participate in it? What did you think you would achieve by participating in it?
At first, I got the information about the protest from the internet. Everyone was talking about the bill in forums, sharing news via social media and Instagram. If you are Hongkongese, you will know of such a protest, unless you don’t have access to the internet.
I was quite confused at the beginning. Then I discussed it with my friends and we tried to figure out what it was about. Not only were murderers involved, but there were also 36 other types of listed crimes included in the bill. If passed, it would allow extraditions from Hong Kong to China, threatening Hong Kong’s authority.
I decided to join the protest because I believe I still have the right to express my opinion in Hong Kong.
The scene of the protest Wing was at, in the vicinity of the Legislative Council, before the police attempted to disperse the crowd. “People were calm, things were in order,” she said.
Is this your first protest? If not, what other protests have you participated in and why did you take part in those?
In 2014, like most of the Hongkongeses, I took part in the Umbrella Revolution, to urge the government to have universal suffrage for the Chief Executive.
How many of the 2019 extradition bill protests did you go for and which dates were those? Who did you go with?
I went on 12 June with two friends.
Did many of your friends or relatives protest as well? Approximately how many percent of the people you know took part in the protests?
I think around 30% of them took part in the protests.
What happened during the protest when you were there? Can you recount what you and your fellow protesters did and what the police did in response?
There are 3 main protests in total. The weekend ones are peaceful and millions of people join. The one I went to was defined as a ‘riot’ by the Chief Executive.
I gathered with friends on the Kowloon side [of the country] to buy those ‘needed items’ listed in the Telegram group (e.g. water, gloves, food). Then we took the MTR to Admiralty Station in the afternoon. When we arrived at Admiralty, there were not many policemen. It was a bit crowded but not a high pressure situation. However, we were worried of being stopped by the police since they might take away those ‘dangerous items’. We strode across the crowd and reached the ‘resource center’ organised by the protesters. After giving them the stuff, we moved towards the main road near the Legislative Council.
Most of the protesters were young people, some of them looked exhausted and in a daze from having occupied roads overnight. I didn’t know if they really understood the reason for being there, but they looked calm.
At around 3pm, we were a few hundred metres from the Legislative Council. We didn’t really hear what people were yelling but clearly some people were creating a disturbance a few ten metres away. I asked my friend, “Did you hear what just happened?” They both said ‘no’. I checked my phone and there was no signal in the area. “It must be blocked by the government, I cannot browse the forum either,” my friend said. We also tried Telegram—it was very slow and not working properly. We started to get tense and kept refreshing Telegram for updates.
One hour later, things took a turn for the worse suddenly. The crowd stampeded and screamed, “Run, run, run!” We did not know what happened and simply followed the crowd. I dragged one of my friends to the corner of a building and yelled, “Stick to the corner, or you might stumble and get hurt!” We stuck together and watched the crowd run. Some people looked panicked and some were outraged. Rumours about the police shooting people spread.
It was so noisy and it was so quiet. People shouted and screamed but I didn’t hear. I could hardly breathe. It was the first time I smelled death.
I cleared my mind a bit and reunited with my friends after a while. A Telegram update said the police shot 3 guys at the front line which was a few hundred metres from us. We just stood there and could not speak a word. Tears filled our eyes. I could not tell whether it was because of the tear gas bomb or fear.
The road outside Pacific Place during the protest Wing attended, with a road block made by protesters. “A few days later, one protester committed suicide here,” Wing added.
How did it feel to be attacked by the police of your home country? Do you have any sympathy for them since many are likely your fellow countrymen merely doing a job?
Fear more than rage to be honest. You don’t know if you will be the next to get shot at. Felt sad about the incident, but more helpless and sorry for the injured and dead.
An important thing is, the special unit doesn’t have a police number on their uniform. We doubt if they are really Hong Kong police. They could be sent by the China government to suppress us.
Did you prepare attire or tools to keep safe in case of an attack? And did you sustain any injuries or damages to property from being at the protest?
Our basic tools were an umbrella and a helmet. All of us learnt this from the Umbrella Revolution. Luckily, me and my friends were not hurt.
When and why did you decide to leave the protest?
When the Telegram group said the police had decided to clear the crowd in the evening.
When seeing the news reports about the protest you attended later on, did you see the situation on the ground reported accurately? What was accurate and what wasn’t?
Both sides made accusations about whether police or protesters were the more violent. Media reports are always biased, only reporting what they want people to know. Different media tell different stories. If you want to know the truth, you need to subscribe to different media.
Some people said the police were only doing their job while some said protesters did not attack the police. From my understanding, nobody was innocent. Everyone involved needs to be accountable for what they did.
Now that Carrie Lam, Chief Executive of Hong Kong, has agreed to suspend the extradition bill, will you still be protesting?
I am satisfied with the suspension and will not be going to the next protest.
Why do you think some people are still protesting and when do you think they will stop?
The internet is a perfect platform for people to incite others to be against the government. Young people are easy to be incited while being less likely to concede. They do not accept the apology from the Chief Executive and are even asking for more (e.g. Release those arrested, have the Chief Executive step down, etc). I don’t think the protesters will stop in the short term unless the Chief Executive feels obliged to resign. After the United States’ interference, it is not simply a local affair now. The local government is in grave danger if they fail to break the deadlock.
What advice do you have for those going to attend a protest similar to the one you attended? What should they prepare, bring or do to keep safe and get their voices heard?
Those who are going to such a protest better be well equipped with protective clothing (e.g. a raincoat), a hat/helmet and an umbrella. A fully-charged phone is of utmost importance since information updates keep you aware of the current situation.
The helmet Wing bought from a hardware shop on the Kowloon side before joining the protest because most shops on the protest side [the Hong Kong Island side] were closed and surrounded by police. “People only put on their helmets when it is about to be chaotic. If you wear a helmet in the MTR or in that area, you are more likely to be stopped by the police.”
What’s the worst advice you’ve been given, or have heard people giving, with regards to participating in protests? And what’s the best?
I heard from the internet that some people had asked protesters to bring flammable items. I think that is insane. If they throw flammable items when the police shoots those tear gas bombs, that will cause a lot more injuries. Also, [the situation] will go out of control easily.
I think an umbrella is the best.
Lastly, what will you do in 2047, when China gets full control of Hong Kong?
Move to another country if possible. Such as Singapore.
Drone footage of the 2019 Hong Kong Protests on YouTube by a group called Team Blacksheep, including footage of the protest on June 12 where Wing was. Credit: YouTube/Team BlackSheep
Although Wing is currently contemplating her emigration options, she will not hesitate to protest again if the situation calls for it. She believes it is her responsibility to do so.
The above interview is sponsored by:
Photographs courtesy and copyright of Wing*. Interviewer: Sy If you found this article useful:
![The helmet Wing bought from a hardware shop on the Kowloon side before joining the protest because most shops on the protest side [the Hong Kong Island side] were closed and surrounded by police. "People only put on their helmets when it is about to be chaotic. If you wear a helmet in the MTR or in that area, you are more likely to be stopped by the police.”](https://i0.wp.com/luck-it.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/16m-3.jpg?resize=600%2C800&ssl=1)
