Kinge from Kenya first began using social media when he was 18, and by age 25, found himself spending more than 2 hours a day on it, while being greatly affected by social pressure. A year later, he decided to quit social media for good, and did just that for the next 4 years, until he decided to go back to using social media less than a year ago. We asked him why. 

“Social pressure is real. Observing it from outside makes it even clearer. You see people around you being controlled by other people, strangers and friends on the platform, trying hard to belong, fit in.”

Q: Hi Kevin, thank you so much for agreeing to share your experience with us. To start, could you share when you first started using social media? Which platforms were you on? 

A: I first joined social media in 2008. Then, mobile devices’ penetration in this part of the world was limited. The network coverage was poor too, using 2G network on tiny screens mostly Motorola and Nokia phones. Internet in homes could only be found in the capital city and the other option was accessing a cybercafé, unlike today.

The most popular platforms then were Myspace and Facebook. Their popularity was growing. I joined both, they were both website platforms then.

What was life like for you when you used social media regularly? What routines did you have? 

In the early years, social media was for a different use, it was a place friends could check on each other, communicate on a regular basis and share happy photos of good times spent. There were no individual profiles because they were wall based. They then changed the model to having a public and personal wall, then more platforms became popular such as Twitter, and later Instagram. 

I loved using it in the beginning, it was plain, innocent and simple. Posting on the public wall, everything to your friends. Later, it evolved to platforms for displaying one’s lifestyles, status and a little about the general social life with friends and family. When it got to this, years just before I quit, there was always a need to keep checking and see other people posts, see what they are up to and an unnecessary drive to want to post, of places you’ve been, things you did.

I found myself wasting several hours per day, maybe 3 hours on social media, and instead of the joy that was, the feeling changed to want which brought pressure.

When then did you first start having doubts about having social media in your life? What triggered those doubts? 

Around 2015 with the rise of social influencers. 

This pushed the lifestyle and ‘notice me attitude’ a notch higher. There was real pressure among people to compare and show off. Basically the influencers’ work was to drive traffic to expensive products and destinations and get paid for that. Initially many people did not know it was a business and the desire to have such a lifestyle was fuelled with a few friends in your network managing to afford some of those lifestyles, creating pressure to most. I then saw friends go into debt-chasing lifestyles, others making bad critical life decisions trying to fit in and I will admit some pressure on my part to all this. 

Social media felt like it was controlling the people, us, unlike in the beginning when we were using it for good, a place one would go to check on the digital album of genuine happy moments and say hello to friends in all regions of the world conveniently and affordably. 

When then did you decide to quit social media? What pushed you to the point of no return? 

I decided to quit social media when the intense drive for comparison grew to an unhealthy level, where someone would call to ask what you are up to, where you were during the weekend because you did not post these details on social media—the aim not to check on you but to compare. I quit because of the amount of pressure the platforms had. The amount of time wasted and loss of meaning pushed me to the limit.

How does one leave social media? What did you have to do to get off it? 

I don’t know if my method would work on others because I tend to have self-control. Basically, delete the apps now and do not install them back. Over time, you’ll forget about them and it becomes your norm. Find new activities to do with the extra time and grow the new habits; it can be reading a few chapters of a book a day, exercise, journaling or something other which will grow you gradually and bring you so much peace.  

How did it feel in the days right after you quit social media? Did you feel any regrets or an urge to get back into it? 

It was strange in the beginning, with a strong urge to check on what people are up to, then over time, it grows on you but you somehow find yourself distancing yourself to most of your friends. I then realised how much communication goes on social media but no, there was no regret. You can always catch up on texts and calls plus WhatsApp to me is more than a messaging app, having it is almost like a harmless social media until they introduced stories but I was still on it, just ignored the stories and I know many others who do.

How did your life change in the 3 years you spent without social media? Was it better or worse for you—emotionally, mentally, physically and in terms of productivity? 

My life changed for the better. I increased my productivity at work, with the extra saved time. The new habits developed grew in time and I kept adopting more and more such as reading and with more reading of self-help books, they pushed me to a new world of productivity, emotional, mental and physical growth.

 I made it a habit of working out a minimum of 4 hours a day, I began reading more books per year, applying what the books told me, growing in mind and productivity through better decisions, strategies and virtues. Socially, I valued the true friends in my life and family, my interactions became more present and aware which is really beautiful and fulfilling. 

The act of quitting social media did not solely lead to all this, but it contributed greatly to this outcome. 

Which 3 people or things in your life became most useful in the absence of social media? 

1–Personal growth: I put more focus on myself without external pressure but on my own terms. 

2–Relationships: The relationships that mattered most grew deeper. 

3–Inner peace: Just like the peace you get not watching television news or newspapers but filtering the news that you consume, for example reading specific newspapers such as the financial newspapers because most news if not all is literally fear-based, such peace comes when you know how to use social media for you.

Can you list 3 things you realised only after leaving social media?

1–Social pressure is real. Observing it from outside makes it even clearer. You see people around you being controlled by other people, strangers and friends on the platform, trying hard to belong, fit in, which if not careful might make one get lost.

2–I did not know myself the way I needed to find my purpose. This I came to realise later when I adopted the habit of reading, researching by asking the right questions and applying most of the lessons gradually. I came to realise that humans are spiritual beings having a human emotion, and our purpose is service to others. That we are one with nature although we try to live separate from our ignorance, that I am not my body by living in it, that there exist an ether which all things are connected to. I learnt of the mental laws which we are to use for a more harmonious life and the significance of service. 

3–Social media is good only if you use it and not let it use you.  For example, the platforms exist to make a profit from people, through driving agendas and ideas, most of them consumer oriented. This is where the influencers profit from so they are using the platform for their benefit and monetary growth but the millions of their followers who are un-aware of this dynamics fall prey of the platform system.

Why then did you end up going back to using social media?

4 months ago, I begun blogging. Reason for blogging is to share the many timeless lessons on mind, body, spirit and personal development that I have learnt in the last few years and am still learning with the world, with the hope of changing someone’s life for the better, maybe many eventually. So, in my research of how to run a successful blog, there is an insistence of the proper use of social media to help push traffic to my blog and it being one of the most efficient methods. This is why I went back to social media, to use it to drive traffic to my blog. This time, I am the one using it and I understand how it works. 

How does it feel to have social media back in your life? What are the pros and cons of having them back?

I was resistant to it initially until I was able to convince myself that I am using it for me, for a purpose I am now comfortable with but I am very surprised with how monetized it is, the extreme level of algorithm uses on the platform and the same craze of having followers.

Pros: 1–Boost of online presence for my blog. 2–Driving traffic to my blog, although only promotions works for this. 3–I can control myself while on it. I only visit for purposes of the blog, re-posts of the same, separating myself from it in a way spending less than 30 minutes on all the platforms that I use which is enough for the day’s update. 

Cons: You have to pay to grow your traffic 

What advice do you have for those currently contemplating leaving social media too?

It is okay to leave if you feel overwhelmed by it. Take a break, maybe take some time to understand how it works and in that time better understand oneself. 

Is there anybody you presently look up to, who you would like to learn from?

Vusi Thembekwayo. I have seen his gradual growth over the years and what it has taught me is to just begin and belief. Vusi is a Global speaker, author, consultant and a dreamer. Lately I have been working to shape my career in the same direction and this is why I would like to learn from him.

Lastly, do you think you’d be quitting social media again in the future? 

Yes, I will. When the blog grows to a successful business, I will have someone look after the social media platforms within the business context and I will focus on other duties such as product/service advancement and strategies.

Kinge has just written a book about good values for the young and is presently looking for a traditional publisher to get it out into the world. He is also in the midst of doing a Masters in Management and hopes to be able to launch a consultancy once he graduates. You can find out more about his progress by reading his blog, www.kevinkinge.com or ask him questions about quitting social media using the comment box below. 

More interviews with people who have left habits, lifestyles and religions available here.

Photographs courtesy and copyright of Kevin Kinge. Interviewer: Sy
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